Before you get all postal on me, please read the whole profile. Then go postal.

Are there any sane, non drug users, non man haters, emotionally, spiritually, and financially ready for a relationship, who bothered to run spell check & can put together a sentence? I know, I'm asking so much; after all we're only here to find our soul mates. Why put forth any effort into something so meaningless as that? While I'm at it, I'd really like you to not be married, or on the rebound. If you are a neo conservative it's not going to work.

If you haven't quit smoking with all the aids that are at your disposal today, several which make it withdrawal free, then by all means let's not get to know each other. After all, who wouldn't want to get attached to someone deeply and watch them slowly die of something that was completely avoidable. Good personal hygiene habits gets you an automatic pass into the final round. Your annual dust bath is a nice start but it would be a bonus if you remember to brush your hair and comb your teeth too.

Transportation. Tell me all about your Harley. Have lots of pictures of it. I really don't need to see a picture of you. If you have a Harley, what else does a man need to know? Just tell em, I ride a Harley. But if you insist on posting your picture....

Please, no recent photographs, only outdated or out of focus pictures from long ago when you were young and beautiful. Yes, George Washington had wooden teeth. Just because you do too doesn't make you patriotic. Martha didn't like the slivers when they kissed anymore than I will. You understand. Am I being too selective?

If you have a spiritual path that's where I'm at too. So if your karma ran over your dogma, back over it one more time just to be sure. I'm all yours if you can post some outdated, beat to death cliche's such as dance like no one is watching. I like the sentiment but then come up with something original. How about, pee like no one is waiting in line at the one stall bathroom at the Def Leppard concert. That kind of romantic notion might get you a marriage proposal.

Other than that Mrs Lincoln, how did you like the play?
I love to be spontaneous as long as it's well planned.
I'm unique... just like everyone else.
Think you can handle me?

Okay, if you've gotten through all that then you deserve to get a peek inside now. If you are genuine, kind to strangers, love animals, and LOYAL when you commit to your man, then we should talk. I'm not here to serial date, just looking for the woman that is perfect for me. She would have laughed her ass off at the non-sense above and have close personal relationships with her friends and family. She's had her heart broken but has an indomitable, unbreakable spirit that simply will not give up on life nor in her quest to find one last toe tingling, mind numbing love. She understands that to find that fairy tale relationship she will have to make herself vulnerable and is willing to do so when the right man avails himself. Okay, now back to our regularly scheduled program.

The first meeting is going to be in a public place with or without your parole officer present. Probably a quiet place where we can talk and get a coffee or tea; perhaps under the railroad bridge where we can pass the bottle of wine with the twist off cap in the brown paper bag between you, me and your invisible friends. Last week was a good year. You're buying.

Extra points if you can tell me the actor's name in the last photo or what program(s) you've seen him on.

Lastly, I try and reply to everyone who has made an effort to write. Because I receive a lot of interest I sometimes miss one. ....right when you thought I was perfect. And lastly, I am selective. I won't be rude about it but I know I'm attracted to slim, average, or athletic women. It tells me you care enough about you to stay in shape. So if you don't fit in that category, don't hate me for what I'm attracted to, good luck to you and find someone who prefers your type.

Peace & carrots,
The wascally wascally wabbit