"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."


FOREPLOY (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

SAR-CHASM(n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

MOI:
If you're looking for a sweet, simpering southern belle..hie thee to the next profile. If you're seeking a simple, good-hearted gal..that ain't happening either. I'm pretty damn evil, actually.

Ridiculously low maintenance, uncomplicated, drama-free, honest and straightforward. Most times unPC. I color outside the lines. I run with scissors. I don't always abide by the rules of "polite" society. I'm not an excellent choice for the faint of heart, the overly straight-laced, or those not in possession of their "man card".

Retired military, now into a fun and rewarding second career - still military related.

I would describe myself as lively, adventurous, open-minded, and upbeat. The eternal optimist...I don't spazz over the small stuff. My sense of humor is finely honed, snarky, wicked, dry and obscure. I find most things pretty damn funny. If your "flash-to-bang" needs calibrating, you possess "standard issue" humor, or you opted out of the feature entirely, you will likely not understand or appreciate mine. I tend to think outside the box (minds out of the gutter, boyz).

Not a damsel in distress, hence don't require a knight (gallant or otherwise) to blaze a path to my rescue. Also not in need of completion, validation, or any other BS.

I have NO ulterior motives, NO hidden agenda. NOT in pursuit of a MRS degree. Not necessarily looking to fall all up in luvvvv, but should Mr. "OH HELLLL YEAH!!" pop up on radar, I won't run away screaming.

I have NO desire to control or change you. If you have my interest, rest assured, I like you exactly as you are. It is not my style or intent to use and/or abuse you...and I'm too lazy to stalk you.

I'm not broke(n), bitter, jaded, flummoxed, demented or in any other manner adversely affected by life's experiences or previous encounters with fellow members of your species.

Fluent in "man-speak". You will be relieved to find that I function with a totally different mindset than most women.

I'm attracted to the traditional "man's man", "ruff, tuff, and hard to diaper" type "A" personality. (I'm an ENTJ - extraverted, intuitive, thinking, judging). I don't require you to be a rocket surgeon, but common sense and an above average degree of situational awareness would be nice.

I will admit a preference for military (former/active/retired) men.


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VOUS:
I don't want to stomp on anyone's feelers. We would make an unwonderful match if YOU:

- don't have personality/humor similar to mine. (You interpret my profile as intimidating/arrogant/judgemental/feminazi-ish/ball breaker-y, etc.... vs the spirit in which it was intended.)

- MUST drink or be medicated to get through the day. I rarely drink. I don't mind if you do..in moderation. HOWEVER..if your permanent home of record is LA-LA land, take note..I operate in REAL world, REAL time, RE-ALity. If your ducks are NOT in a row - your grip on reality influenced by, or dependent upon, distilled or chemical assistance...best to move on to the next profile.

- are oppressed, depressed, suppressed, obsessed, possessed, re-possessed.......or any other "essed" word. Ditto if you are perpetually pissy and/or a sadsack..prone to moodiness, self-pity, or any other assdart antics.

- mouth writes checks that your ass can't cash.

- look like hammered sh*t. Slack-jawed yokels, mullets and metrosexuals don't inspire "dewiness" either...therefore, non-starters.

- think, act, and sound.....O L D. Gentlemen, it ain't over til they throw dirt in your face. If you are offered super(soup or) sex, and you choose the soup.....shuffle off to the next profile.....pleeeease!

- EXCEED the STANDARD definition of "average" for body type. If you lean a little toward the heavy side of "average"......I'm OK with that. BUT...c'mon gang, let's tighten up our shot group on the profiles, shall we? Stand up...now look down. If you cannot espy body parts that SHOULD be visible, YOU ARE NOT "AVERAGE", chief. I keep myself in fairly good shape. Should we meet, you will not be greeted by a sweathog or the cryptkeeper. I'd appreciate the same from you. The pics are recent, the dates accurate. Just for the hell of it..I made sure they were actually of ME!

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NOTE UNO: I am not a big fan of endless messaging/IM chat. I can hang with a few; after that..my fun meter is pegged. If we seem compatible, I'd like to move on to phonecon...AND....ACTUALLY MEETING! If you are a "keyboard commando" - the idea of meeting being a foreign or frightening concept to you, we'd make a less than stellar match.

NOTE DOS: I didn't include "blissfully ignorant, docile and delightfully dumbass" when describing myself. This was not an oversight on my part.


______________________________AIRPLANES VS WOMEN__________________________________
----------------AIRPLANES KILL YOU QUICKLY..........WOMEN TAKE THEIR TIME-----------

--------------------AIRPLANES DON'T MIND IF YOU TOUCH-AND-GO-------------------------

--------------------AIRPLANES DON'T COMMENT ON YOUR PILOTING SKILLS-----------

-----------------AIRPLANES DON'T WHINE UNLESS SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG------
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"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." - Stephen Roberts

I am atheist. I play well with peeps of most religious affiliations, HOWEVER..I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints!

eh..I'd prefer to skip the typical first date ritual. By the time we meet face-to-face, we will have already engaged in sufficient commo to determine if we have clickage, and won't be in the company of a psychopathic axe murderer, or worse....a Democrat.

I'll probably just invite ya over for steak on the grill with all the fixins. YOU can be the "grill" sergeant.



Obama's health care plan will be written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it, signed by a president who smokes, funded by a treasury chief who did not pay his taxes, overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that is nearly broke. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming "YOU LIE!!!"

What IS IT with our "Commander-in-Chief" that compels him to dive toward his shoes whenever a foreign dignitary hails into view???





* * * * * *=============
* * * * * *============= TO ALL MEMBERS
* * * * * *============= OF OUR ARMED FORCES
* * * * * *=============
* * * * * *============= YOU are my HEROES!!
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