Quick note to clarify status: I am a single chap, currently separated and in process divorce, I am on here looking for friends.

Okay... as film star looks go...I have more in common with Shrek and the Mitchell Brothers than Brad Pitt or Hugh Grant. Sadly for you ladies both Brad / Hugh would appear to be off the market at the moment and I did hear recently that even Shrek has got off with a celluloid babe, so that basically just leaves me.

What do I look like....? Five foot nine inches tall (1.76M), well built, broad across the shoulders with a shaven head and a small goatee. I would like to consider myself reasonably educated and moderately articulate despite being dyslexic. I like Martial arts and motorbikes (I own 8) which of course is just an excuse to get in to leather :). I enjoy dining out despite the fact I consider myself to be a pretty damn good chef. I love jokes especially those non P.C. rather naughty ones and I adore happy confident people who are prepared to think outside of the box.

I would like to consider myself an old fashioned gentleman, opening doors, taking your coat, seating you at restaurants and walking nearest the road, however, the cynical of you may consider that I open doors for you so that you face the danger first, I take your coat only to rummage through your pockets nicking your change, I move your seat at the restaurant as you sit down only to laugh as you fall to the floor and I suppose you could claim that I walk nearest the road not to protect you but to be able to have a clean get-away should I need one...Hmmm I will leave you to ponder that one.

There are a few things that I dislike, such as: narrow minds, intolerance of race, the top left off the toothpaste, wet towels on the bathroom floor, leaving the sink full of unwashed plates overnight, door handles used as coat hangers, peanut butter, sprouts and women who think men over 40 are past it or perverts, I also hate cross dressing as I can never get my stocking seams straight and those heels..Gosh they are just sooo hard to walk in... er..I apologise I digress...

Now then... aside from all the pompous crap above... I have got a wicked sense of humour and like most men I am occasionally obnoxious, egotistical, self centred, opinionated, arrogant, pig headed and foolhardy but I can also be considerate, easy going, light hearted, loving... and ... rather good fun to be with. Oh yes, I nearly forgot…I am very tactile, extremely affectionate and I have absolutely no issue with public displays of affection.

I really am just a typical man, a compulsive liar who is honest as the day is short, with a personality that is both simple and complex.

All I am looking for is someone with whom I can chat, confide in, giggle with and share a virtual glass of wine. I am not looking to create hassle for you or sleep with your best pal or your sister or mess with your mind.

So if you feel you would like to wile away a few hours chatting to someone, drop me a line, I promise to respond....

Finally, for those wishing to take advantage of my film star looks, I am available for Bar mitzvah, book signings, store opening and sperm donation with fee by negotiation.

************** PROFILE UPDATE ******************

I have been asked about the profile pictures, here is an explanation.

Pic 1:
The devilishly handsome chap in the picture is Me!

Pic 2 and 5:
The devilishly handsome chap in Black Leather on a ZZR1100 is ME!

Pic 3: Now removed... as the young Adonis on this site were complaining of unfair competition. The devilishly handsome chap in overalls baring his sunburnt (ha – oh so white) chest is Me, caught undertaking a spot of welding on an incredibly hot day by my oldest daughter...as I recall I suffered welder’s nipple that day..ouch..

Pic 4: Removed Also....
The burnt out remains of one of my favourite Porsche's, it died on the M27 nr Portsmouth UK as very nearly did I, it was a great day! I also had an accident in the replacement hire car on the same day ....I hit a steel girder dumped on the Newbury by-pass.

Pic 6
My "Little" boy seen waking up my niece.
His name is Kosumo Fura Wara, he is an Akita and is typical of the breed, IE: extremely protective of his family, those that know him, understand he is just a cute little puppy dog and butter would not melt in his mouth unlike, the Postman, Bin men and Jehovah Witnesses.... well they were more chewed than molten by the time he finished.

He is the ultimate babe magnet, as all the girlie's flock to stroke him (lucky bast*rd)... Note to chaps... if you have a face like mine..Where only your mother loves you and even then from a distance (mine is in Northern Cyprus) then get a dog!

What I would do (or rather did!) was travel half way across the world (Birmingham UK to Winnipeg Canada), book myself into a hotel, take her to dinner, then after dinner when her “Crones” kicked in and whilst she went to my hotel room to lie down feeling really ill, walk back to the restaurant in -40C (a tad chilly to say the least) retrieve her Handbag, arriving back at the hotel with icicles hanging off my eyelids and moustache.

In the morning, I would explain to her irate mother (same age as me!) that she should not be so mad at her daughter for stopping over in the Hotel room....we did not do anything and besides she only stayed because she was actually too ill to go home....

Anyway.. I think the next "first date" shall be dinner in the "Jules Verne" restaurant at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

It has to be easier than six months commuting between the UK and Canada, an 8000 mile journey every other weekend - and then I married her, she was 24 and was 38.