This summer I got to know Toronto a little better and we've become friends. It's not perfect and I'm happy to be living in it. But I am a country boy in my hands and feet and I love being outside, exploring, and adventuring. I've got a dark and sarcastic sense of humour. I dance like I'm casting a spell.

I want to be a writer as a career, and by and large I'm always writing something. I love good stories be they in books, movies, music, TV shows, comics, video games, or around a campfire.

In a man I like common interests, a good sense of humour, and some degree of cynicism. An open mind tends to become a necessity, too.

In the end, I'm up for anything fun. And this is a city full of guys who need to have more fun.

We meet for coffee first and go to a movie with plans to get dinner after. Coffee goes great, particularly when we gang up and politely make fun of a woman who looks spookily like Dwight Schrute. But at the movie, I find you're being so twitchy and fidgety that you keep distracting me and I miss, like, half a scene's worth of subtitles. I'm about to say something when suddenly a black swarming mass of inky black smoke erupts from your chest and assumes the shape of some kind of wolf bat. I deliver a fierce roundhouse kick to its snout and it erupts into dust, but in your chest is a gaping portal to the negaverse. You recognize the beast as an anti-dog.

I tell you about this witch doctor I know who can probably find out what happened to you, and together we make our way across Toronto, only to find ourselves pursued by the Knights of Columbus, who detected the release of dark energy and have come to close the portal.

Using your alchemical sorcery and my mystical shinobi skills, we manage to fend of the insidious and annoying knights, only to come under attack from the Coven of Six and their minion, the Colossus of Etobicoke. They wish to use you to bring more un-beasts from the negaverse to serve them. But with the help of your unicorn friend, we bring down the colossus and the witches flee.

Finally, the root of all the problems reveals herself. Lo, it's that Dwight Schrute woman from the coffee shop! She's actually Rainn Wilson's nega-self, and she totally hates the Office! Both the US and UK versions! As we fly into battle with her and her army of nothing-men, our skills hold them at bay, but as the fight rages on, our reserves are dwindling, and we fear she may win of attrition. But in one final desperate hope, you channel your remaining powers and manage to reverse the polarity on the portal, sending nega-Rainn and her forces back to the Otherland. With her gone, the portal disappears. Though completely exhausted, you manage a winning smile, and I return one as we both pass out.

When we come to, we go for breakfast at Cora's, or something.