There is no such thing as a nice guy. All men express themselves differently. For some that means being a jerk. For others it means sending you a computer virus from three states away. For the mature it means taking responsibility, putting up a good fight, and loving your lady.


1. I spend a lot of time reading business books, playing with internet tech, working on math and going to the gym. I used to kick box but I really don't like getting hit in the head. I am creative, innovative, and I think outside of the box.
2. Goals: To make the most of my time in Sacramento. This place rocks. SF sucks. It's like Salvador Dali does New York. (that's scary, people.)
3. What makes me unique? What makes anybody unique? Everything makes
me unique. I'm practical. I like watching people. I'm a bookworm. I'm
outgoing, but only when it involves making money, competing, or saving
damsels in distress. (Although I hear that some people don't believe
in damsels in distress. I'm not interested in those, either.)
4. Music Taste: I like all kinds of music, really. But I don't like
all artists. Tonight I'm listening to "Represent" on the Illmatic
album by Nas on pandora.com, the best internet radio ever.
5. Food Taste: Pretty much everything, sushi and salad bars.
6. This is the longest relationship I've ever had. Too bad it's
virtual. I think the SIMS game series has a virtual dating game,
right? That would be perfect. Captain Fish needs to hook this up and
bring in the 3-D talking avatars. So it's a long road to my cold
heart. Can you make me melt? Probably not. But I'll give you kudos and
cab fare for trying. ba dum dum.

7. I just realized that it might be a good idea to add some of the
things I look for in a woman. Sweetness definitely tops the list.
Being genuine is important, being true to yourself with dreams that
you would never forfeit for earthly comforts, quick fixes, or vanity.
Generosity, but not unconditional generosity. A common sense that
compliments my own. What I mean by this is that you pick up on the
little things that I usually trip over, the hang ups that I'm used to
living with but have obvious solutions. Bonus points if you're well
adjusted socially with a high iq. God Bless America. Americans are
real nice people but they're dumber than a box of rocks. Christ, don't
make me fly to eastern europe or india or...uzbekistan for this. amen.

8. Back to the nots. If you're a girl that likes to spend a lot of
time in clubs and bars then I'm not the guy for you. Dancing is a
different story. Dancing is healthy. No regrets there. But if you say
"no regrets" with respect to poor judgement because you're drunk, then
you're a loser!
9. If you don't have any common sense and lack a strong enough support
network to disuade you from involvement with pimps or from meandering
at odd hours of the night only to be escorted by some unsavory
character, then I am sorry, but I will not look past that.
10. For those willing to try anything once, try this: Bury yourself in
the sand head first and wait until tomorrow. With any luck a sea
urchin will attach itself to your face and feed you oxygen.
11. If you've ever been involved with someone who wanted to trade you
out for substances, favors, or rights of passage, and you went along
with it because you were in love with them, then don't contact me.
12. It's gross when the first time we meet you're glowing from the night before.

Shoot. I lost the bit for the ones who date guys over fifty...in any case, by the time I'm fifty I hope to have been happily married for at least 15 years.

First date: hmmm. scrabble and gofish at McDonalds. Second date: Subway sandwich and bus ride to downtown. Third date: sit on my lap at the bus stop, then take a walk instead. Fourth date: do you mind getting the bill? Fifth date: you still with me? wtf? Really, though. I just want to see how comfortable we are around each other. I don't get nervous with dates, and I want you to be comfortable, too.