I wish I could blast "Kings of Leon - Use Somebody" to get my point across...

Oh and don't worry about me bothering you. I have standards that majority of you fail to meet. I'd rather masturbate.

Before we begin, I must pre warn you that when I was writing this up, I challenged myself to finding at least one friend off of here while simultaneously writing the most repulsive profile blurb anyone has ever encountered. So here it is...

Women that I get along with are the types that will make me a sandwich after sex and don't talk much. Oh and may I add, I like fat chicks when the skinny ones don't put out. Ps. If you are my mix, my ethnicity, getting on a plane without being "randomly checked" is impossible. Getting on a plane after the check is complete may be equally unlikely. I also have the ability to make everyone laugh uncontrollably when I drop my boxers. I find having face to face conversations with women difficult because my eyes naturally gravitate towards cleavage. My penetration rate is approximately ~ 6%. What I mean by that is I end up impregnating 6 out of every 100 girls that I messsage. 6 is my favorite number. Along with 9. I'm also a drunk girl connoisseur. They tend to love me capitalizing on their alcohol induced hormonal spikes and lack of better judgement.

On a serious note about me?

I hate mediocrity, Calling me a conformist is equivalent to calling me a curse word. Don't try it, I get offended.
I'll be the best friend that you could ever have. I'll be the mentor, I can even be the protege. I will pass on what good I've learned, suffer, warn, and protect you from the bad. I can keep secrets. I'm not judgmental. I appreciate different traits in different personalities. I'm never biased. I like to stay informed. My opinions take into effect both perspectives. I don't take sides for the sake of taking em. I may stereotype, but even then I know I'm stereotyping. I love friendly competition. I hate losing but I can take a loss quite well. I will always lend a hand. I will always stand against whats wrong. I will always be honest in my opinion of you. I'm never the hypocrite. I'm cultured. I'm intrigued by sex, so if you frown upon it, you're missing out. I strongly believe the gym is a necessity, NOT an option. I have never been impressed by the rich, I've never looked down upon the poor. I'm the sadist and the masochist, so you've been warned. My sense of humor tends to be awkward, morbid and intelligent all at once. And yes I'm fully aware that I exude the aura of a narcissist. So be it ! Ha !
I place art, literature, architecture, fashion, music and cullinary arts all on the same pedestal so my head always feels a tad bit heavy.

Well to keep myself up to par with the rest of you lot, I party harder than you f*c*ers could imagine, I've seen more things than you've dreamt of and as far as women are concerned, there are 6 billion people on this planet out of which I'm hoping 3 billion are women and based on that count I'm sure one will be available for me. My only requirements are that you are easy on the eyes and intelligent. F**k, I think that just eliminated 3/4ths of the contestants. But let's be optimistic here. Based on that assumption 1/4ths of 3 Billion are still 750,000,000 women.To further demonstrate my point let's say only 1/10th of that pie was compatible with me due to language, personality, economical and cultural restraints - I'd still have 187,500,000 women to pursue!!! Wow! Better get to work right away.
Darwin's natural selection process will prevail. I guess I shouldn't be afraid of rejection after all.

Oh and if you don't have the ability to read through my profile in a matter of two minutes or less, we're not compatible and our marriage may lead to a lot of domestic violence because you didn't go through the grocery list quick enough during boxing day.That's the only day my measly salary will afford us the luxury of food.

(Ps. After being on this site long enough, you'll begin to realize that intelligence is indeed a rarity, stupidity a commodity not worth trading and all the smart ones are usually irresponsive or taken. *sigh* Good luck fishing! Oh and just out of curiosity, I really wish I knew the calibre of men on this site. I'd really like to know what I'm up against. Oh and can you women invest in a software that spell checks? I don't care if your writing skills aren't up to par with mine but let's spell well shall we? LoL)

Sex. Tons and tons of sex. If things go well, maybe we can have a second date. Only if you promise not to speak.