I use hyperbole to disguise the fact that I'm incapable of estimating time, space, or measurement. I don't sugar coat anything, so be prepared to hear the truth. I drive way too fast. I drink Guinness and coffee through a straw. I hate anything that's slow or involves waiting. I hate when people don't use adverbs. I'm not afraid of anything except bugs. Not bees though. The creepy crawly ones. I often sing Drowning Pool on Karaoke nights. I wear converse all stars every single day. I don't dance. Ever. I used to play the electric guitar, but then I retired it to the "Corner of Broken Dreams" with the rest of my failed or abandoned hobbies. I listen to metal mostly (KSE, In flames, Trivium, Sonic Syndicate...) but like all forms of music. Except jazz. Jazz gives me anxiety. I'm a grammar and spelling Nazi... so either use spell check or stick to short words you're confident with! Don't try to be a hero and use large words improperly or spelled wrong. I'm NOT 420 friendly, so don't even ask. On that note I dislike hippies. And NO LIBERALS. I cannot stress that enough. I'm not a "hottie" so don't even start with that garbage. Maybe borderline cute. On a good day. I'm a New England Patriots fan and Tedy Bruschi is the man. I'm also a Yankee fan and will dump you for Jason Giambi or Wes Welker if the opportunity ever presents itself. But you don't have to like either team or think either one of them is hot. Arnold Schwarzenegger is the only actor I like and I can recite every line of Terminator 2.

The only guys I seem to attract are psychopaths and/or drug addicts. I'm looking for someone a little more mature, because I don't want to be a baby-sitter anymore. I don't want someone who's gonna call me in the middle of the night to bail them out of jail. I don't want to change your tire, install your dimmer switch, or kill the wasp nest on your balcony. It would be cool if they had a puppy. I'm partial to Rottweilers. I don't like cats or cat people. In fact I don't like anything other than a dog really. You can't be too flirtatious. I need to be able to be seen in public with whoever I'm with... so no "gangstas", thugs, or obvious freaks... must be clean and hygenic and everything. I like guys who are tough on the outside but softies on the inside. I tend to be a chubby chaser, if I can bench press you that's not hot. I'm not looking to double my wardrobe, so if we wear the same size jeans, don't even bother. I'm like, 105lbs, so you'd think that wouldn't be an unreasonable request. Most importantly, you have to be able to put up with my sarcasm and little jabs without getting offended. I don't like guys who wax their eyebrows, fake tan, and/or have a tattoo of Italy on their body (especially when you have never even been there). I am not into dating people who already have kids with someone else because I refuse to deal with baby momma drama (ever again). And no divorced guys. It's not any little girl's dream to be someone's second wife. If you lie, you need not apply. That sounded Johnny Cochran-y!

If what I have said OFFENDS you, it's not necessary to send me hate mail about how I'm hateful/crazy/ugly etc. Just... go away. I'm going to be me, you can be you. We obviously wouldn't get along, so don't waste your time and energy even writing to me. Don't judge me. I'm an extremely nice, friendly, social person. I'm just not fake. There are things I like, and things I don't like. Get over it. This is so stupid I can't believe I even had to write this addendum. Seriously, grow up.

Before you write me a message... let's not waste time... make sure you are NOT any of the following:
- A LIBERAL (socialist)
- a cop (I'm not a criminal, I have basis for this)
- a rapper
- a libra
- a scorpio
- a guido
- a DJ
- a vegetarian
- a stoner
- a father
- an ex-husband
- an actor/model (gay)
- bisexual
- someone who's gonna bltch at me every time I smoke a cigarette
- someone who's going to write me 15 emails yelling at me for not answering your first message within 9 seconds of you sending it.
- someone who is willing to pay me to "kick him in the nuts"

Oh and don't use misleading photos and waste my time. Mine are legit, I'm not proud of them, but that's what I look like. In fact, I've been called out in public TWICE by strangers who said, "Hey I saw you on POF!" Which was kinda bad cause I didn't want to talk to either one of them and it was kinda awkward. But obviously that proves I look the same in real life if I can be identified by 21 year old drunk twits.

Watch this video, if you don't think it's funny... don't message me : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_YlkEUOonI&feature=PlayList&p=0516A45938BF35B7&index=0

This website irritates me. I rarely check my mail. Just use m y s p a c e.

w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / a m y l a n d

You buying ME dinner! I know that sounds obnoxious, but just once I'd like to see it happen, geez.