***If you can read this WHOLE profile in under 2 minutes and 53 seconds you read at an phoctageneric level........and my hat's off to you............look at the clock.....READY.....SET.....GO!!!***

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let's just say I am an enigma wraped in an enigma placed in a wal-mart shopping bag.

Tips for singles.....

- NEVER go shopping at IKEA........way too many couples enjoying themselves through gentle kisses and hand-holding, as they discuss the nuansses of decorating a home, lol, very depressing (for us singles at least)!
- Never buy in bulk, who are you going to share all those strawberries and whipped cream with before they go bad?

Suggestions for non-singles.....

- Somehow indicate that you have boyfriend as early as possible, save us all some time, save your honour as well.........you damn flirt!!! (lol)
- Get off this site! Your slowing down the servers! Go play frisbee with your lover (as I would!.......no, not like a dog for you to make me fetch the thing! But rather a mutual throwing of the disc, and the ocassional rolling in the grass together, etc)

Advice for the eldery.....

- Drive faster dammit!
- Retire early and free up some jobs for us young bucks and doughs

I seldom get responses when I message……………here is an example; Contact file # 00213 ; I once asked a girl what kind of a dog she had on a picture in her profile, I honestly wanted to know, and was not thinking of any funny business........she decided to ignore me............that’s when I realized what kind it was!......a Bit©h!..........not the dog of course.....but the lady. (LOL). I can make something funny out of anything, I am that good! LoL.......the Bit©h. A side note to this..........I hope you respond if I ask you what kind of dog you have in your profile, or the latter text may apply to you, and I really really really don't want that to happen :(

Things I have noticed due to Plentyoffish...

- Drug usage seems to be a problem in Oshawa
- "Prefer not to say" = Yes
- People like to hide behind computers
- "Quid pro Quo" seems to be the way things are going
(more to come)

Weirdest things to happen from Plentyoffish...

- One girl told me she wished I would kill myself
- Sending a girl a really nice and thoughtfull message only to be ignored.........then finding out that I would be paired with THE SAME GIRL in a bridal party a few months later for my friends wedding (she turned out to be a good friend of my friends fiance at the time......like really, what are the odds? lol). What goes around sometimes comes around, if your going to use this service, try to remember, most people are real behind the computers, and in all fairness, you can choose to ignore, but........who knows what can happen, right?

***Likes***

-you (awwww.....lol)
-my future in-laws (biting my tongue)
-cooking
-cleaning
-German Shepherds (even though I almost got a nasty bite by one)
-tribology
-JTF2
-making things for my mother (think twice before you laugh at that, wouldn't you like it if your son did the same for you?)
-My Pet Monster (cartoon)
-acting silly
-Pears from Milton
-"smokey the bear"

***Dislikes***

-forrest fires
-mosquitos
-Pear-A$$ Hilton (more of a nuisance then a dislike)
-People who flirt while in relationships, or try to put themselves in relationship-risking situations (like folks who are in a relationship and post the most seductive pics, and are looking for "friends".....if you play with fire, there's a pretty good chance you will get burned)
-excessive philotherianism (includes kissing your dogs, singing "happy brithday" to your dog and making him/her a cake or letting a dog lick your face......unless your in an intimidating situation, like when a German Shepherd kept licking my face, lol)
-folk that think by wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey and getting drunk out of their minds that makes them more Canadian then others who are not as drunk and/or are wearing a different garment
-bad parenting
-unecessary taxation
-laziness

Dress up in black attire, slap on some black face paint...............knock on the house of a senior citizen couple, then quickly run behind the bushes and giggle like children as we watch their utter confusion when they answer to an empty front porch.

If you behave yourself, and promise to eat all the ice cream I buy you without making a mess, I will let you hear my (very convincing) dolphin noise...........a Marine Land experience of sorts, minus the costly admission...........$$$............"recession-recession".

For other cost saving first dates, just message me :) (lol, jk, but message me anyhow)

Not to be fussy or anything, but please address me as "James Bond" when you message me..............I like it when people call me that, it makes me smile :D To scratch your back as well, I will let you tell me what you want me to call you :P May I suggest "Princess"??? Or maybe "Money Penny"...........we will have to have a romantic Bond scene though, with background music and all. Ok, maybee I am going to far with this, but I like the whole James Bond theme.

If your going to message me, please have the answer to the following skill testing question (relax, relax! All this is saying is that you have a grip on adding, and you won't give me credit card problems when we get married)

[5 X 5 + 3] / (10-3) = ???

If that's too easy...........simply tell me the derivative of Sine X (no google please), if you can't recall, simply graph a sine wave and then superimpose a cosine wave over it and analyze the slopes :p

Alright, everything else aside, I am a very sweet and caring individual who is looking to get to know a girl with the hope that something more long term may develop. I am clever, full of engenuity, great with tools, quick thinking, and I would consider myself loyal to whoever I would be with(never been in a relationship to back that claim up, but I think my persona would fit the description). I love to think of romantic things to do with a girl (I haven't done any yet, but I would save them for a special someone), I look forward to giving roses, flowers and chocolate to a girl, that may sound cheesey, but it's honest. I have a lot of good qualities and would appreciate a girl with class and culture...............and eating lots of sushi, living in Toronto, using the word "eclectic" excessively, wearing non-matching coloured shoes and having 50 tattoos doesn't make you classy or cultured, just don't try hard, I won't hold those things against you, but I am just saying, try not to be too cookie cutter, being a simple girl who is honest with herself counts for a lot :D

BTW.........congratulations Ms. phoctageneric.......I managed to bait you into reading the whole thing, assuming you weren't gonna read it without that phoctageneric mumbo-jumbo in there...........lol........did I mention I also love to make up silly yet convincing words?

Hope to hear from ya!