I've been on POF for awhile now and learned a few things. First, you can't take dating too seriously, so I'm just going to have fun with this.

A LITTLE ABOUT ME:

I was born in a small town out yonder near a small pond in the backwoods of Kentucky. There I grew up chasing gators and skinning coons for food. My kin taught me the finer things in life aren't materialistic, unless you call the number of rabbit's feet material possessions.

At the ripe of 14, I married my sister's best friend (who I later learned was my brother's sister). Come on...think about that one, y'all (yup, she was my sister). We had 2 great chillin'. We called them Daisy Mae and Colton Buttercup. Great youngins, but the boy was a little light in the loafers, so we just call him Buttercup. Anywho, they became such good friends, they married too. We get together every Christmas for our family reunion. Honestly, they just come from the back part of our double-wide. Yuppers, we're some of the upper crust in our trailer park.

As our family grew, I knew it was time to get a real job. Especially since the government found out about our moon shining business. I don't understand why they were so mad at us. It's not like I was growing marijuana or anything. My brother didn't like the competition, so I chose to find some other business to get into. With the government in all our personal business, I chose to go straight and start up a cult...err, I mean religious following. I am officially called, "Zachariah Demetrius Cornwall Jackson...the 3rd." I added, "the 3rd" just to make myself sound impotent.

That reminds me of a funny story....

When I was about 25...or something like that, I was walking to school with my son (we were both in the same grade) and he asked me, "Papa, why are you all dressed up in a tuxedo?" I responded with, "Son, yer mama said I was 'impotent', so I wanted to dress like I was impotent." (Yes, everyone, it's a joke...). My son just smiled and said, "Pops, I want to be 'impotent' just like you." Gersh, I love my son. He wants to be just like me!

Finally, I graduated junior high school and moved onto high school. Okay, shucks...I really didn't graduate. They just got tired of me having to shave in the boys bathroom and clogging up the sink. I went to high school and quickly realized the other kids weren't like me. They had fancy book bags and pens. I still carried my slate and chalk my grand pappy gave me from when he went to school. Needless to say, I didn't stay in school long. Instead, I started working on the family farm doing the family business. In fact, you may have seen my uncle Dog. He has a show on that picture box. He chases criminals. I think they call him, "Dog, the booty hunter." Either way, he's my hero! I want to be just like him some day.

Okay, I hope you found the humor in this profile. If you want to get to know the "real" me, send me a note and say hi. I respond to everyone, so just have fun with it. As Carlos Mencia puts it, "if you can take a**** you can take a joke!"

First dates are always weird. Why does it have to be formal? Nothing wrong with meeting for a drink and then going from there. My best date from POF had to do with us going to a local pub and playing cornhole while drinking a beer and sharing some pizza.