I didn't know there was going to be a test today! Usually when I bomb at these essay questions I just fall back on my good looks and amazing modesty. Since I can't just clip a twenty on the top of this to get you to write me, you'll have to get in touch with me yourself. Please, no more midgets, smokers, druggies, Mom's looking for their kids' college fund, or beautiful women with husbands. I'm in great shape but I am allergic to bullets. Let's get to know each other first, then you can stop buying me drinks. Really. You might embarrass me!

First, we find a bar with a loud band. Then we buy everyone in the place lots of shots just to get the place rockin'. Next, I start a conga line, and get everyone on their feet and kicking their way out the door and into the street. After they leave we have the place to ourselves, we tip out the band and blow out all the candles save one. When it's nice and dark, I lean over and use those three little words on you: "What's your name?"