There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?
Answer: The perfect woman. She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man...

Ok... time for the bonus question: You're throwing a dinner party and you can invite 5 people from any place and point in history or the present. What would your guest list look like?


Best advice I could ever give anyone: Whenever you're down, thinking your life sucks at the moment, this is a guaranteed pick-me-up... watch an episode of "Cops" on TV... at the end of 30 minutes you'll be thinking to yourself "At least I'm not some red-neck, with a mullet, being dragged outside in my underwear in the middle of the night on nationwide TV. Damn... my life is not so bad after all!"

Update: Ok, after much discussion and deliberation, it has been determined that watching Jerry Springer is a suitable substitute instead of Cops for determining your self worth... unless you happen to be a woman that was once a man and you're engaged to your third cousin but cheated on him with his father.

What would I do for a first date? Wow... that's putting a guy on the spot... let me see...

Show up.
Shower.
Wear clothes.
Not necessarily in that order.

The hostess at TGIF cringes every time I walk through the door...