Since most of you don't go much further than the pix - before I bore you to death, the girl in the pic grabbing my butt is a dear friend of mine... we are not interested in a three way with the likes of you - maybe Ian Somerhalder, but NOT YOU! So if you thought this was your chance for a three way with a spicy latina and a sharp witted midwesterner... think again. I used to think that I wouldn't have to put something like this on here - but apparently when some of you see a girl grabbing another girls a** you seem to picture yourselves in the middle of some torrid boobie sandwich..... sorry to burst your bubble; but it ain't gonna happen.

Other than that - when I don't have to be busting your balls for being idiots (and I'm talking generally), I am busy being funny and entertaining! People like me - I'm pleasant dammit! I'm told I should become a stand up comedian and I personally think my life should be a sitcom. I find humor in about everything - even at times that aren't necessarily humorous.

I went from the exciting world of being a flight attendant and international woman of mystery to the not so invigorating but very rewarding business of health insurance and I also have 2 other jobs. When I make up my mind to do something, I do it - so in the last few weeks, I've decided that now is the time to get any debt paid off and get to doing what I really want to do. I am working on 2 books - one is a travel book and the other is not.... so I really don't feel like writing an entire one on here....but I will give some basics:

1) I hate scary movies (despite what it may say on some compatibility thing that always seems to pop up... I don't like em.

2) I hate playing games - this goes for relationships, but also party games... they are stupid. I don't want to go to baby showers or bridal showers or birthday parties and dress my friends up in 'clothes' fashioned out of toilet paper. I don't want to guess how many m&m's are in a jar unless I am going to win $10,000,000 dollars or the jar of m&m's to eat... this also goes for magic - I don't want to do magic tricks on a date. One guy made me do a magic trick with him - it was superqueer.

3) Liars and narcissists and sociopaths need not apply. (although from what I've read - most sociopaths don't even know they are.)

4) I really am 5'10 - so don't email me and say 'Are you really 5'10?' Why would I put that down if I wasn't? If you met me and I showed up and wasn't 5'10 - you are pretty much going to know it right off the bat!

5) I once ate a 10 lb watermelon on a dare.

6) If you throw a grape out of your window - the police don't necessarily share the idea that it isn't considered trash because the birds can eat it.

7) I once read a guys profile and his 'headline' was: "Your worst nightmare." All I could think was 'haven't I already dated my worst nightmare?'

8) I tried one of those home teeth whitening kits once and got horrible chemical burns on the inside of my lips... two days before my best friends wedding.

9) Up until today - 11/4/2009 - I thought I was athletic, but I went mountain biking today and apparently I am not REMOTELY athletic but since there is not a category 'person that attempts to exercise but isn't the least bit coordinated', I'm just going to leave athletic in the body type.

10) I will never be able to be on the Atkins Diet, the Zone Diet, the South Beach Diet, or the No Carbohydrate Diet... I love bread, potatos, butter, and pasta way too much. I constantly hear the comment that the girl says in The Devil Wears Prada echoing in my head "You don't desurrrrve to goh! You eat CAAAAHHHHHBBBBBS!"

****NOW HEAR THIS***** or READ this*****
If you are one of those idiots that has elected to put a picture up that 1) isn't you. 2) is you 15 years ago.... seriously - it is 2009! Phones have cameras - getting a picture of yourself someway somehow is NOT HARD. If nothing else have enough respect for yourself to be honest with who you are and keep in mind that if I meet you and you don't look like your pic, I'm going to figure it out!

Oh - and if you don't have anything nice to say... don't say it. If I think you have a stupid haircut or you look like a manwhore or that your pictures resemble something that should be in gay porn... I'm not going to make a point to make some snide comment dripping in sarcasm to point that out just to hurt your feelings (I was brought up better than that and what is the point really?)... you obviously like them and that's why you put them on here.

I prefer a meet and greet - you know; coffee, ice cream, a drink, fried food, chocolate... something fun to meet up and see if there is any attraction, mutual interest, or compatability.... what is the point of subjecting ourselves to a long boring miserable date if we don't have much in common or meet and happen to be somewhat repulsive to the other!