I'm here for the same reasons everyone else is, to reject and be rejected.
I play games, lie a lot, am fairly insecure and insincere. I have a drama filled life and seldom any spare time.
I pick fights for the fun of it. I'm irrational and have numerous phobias and petty hatreds.
I have no filters and hurl insults faster than a major league ball player hurls balls.
I'm cowardly and easily offended to top it off and I have a penchant for petty revenge. I'm histrionic too and totally lack forgiveness and compassion of any kind.

I seek the same in a mate.


Still here?

You really won't read all the boring stuff...it's cliche an bland. So, I won't waste time on it.
Instead, I'll just go snarky.
If you like it and can deal with that personality type at times (and yes, I can be very serious, I have a mortgage, custodial son and all the trappings of 'serious life') look me up.
Pics are recent (spring/summer 09), I'm ~180 lbs. Average side of slender.
I DO shave from time to time.

Yes, I am a giant breed dog lover. I have a female Great Dane and an Irish Wolfhound. I like cats too but don't have one at the time.


Sarcasm on...
________________________________________________
Helloooo to all the laaadies.
I'm rich. Well, I'll be rich as soon as the Nigerian bank sends me my inheritance. It's awesome. All I had to do was send them a years worth of pay to get the release papers processed. I'll be sitting on millions.
Suckers!
They could have kept it all!

Lets see. I have Tourettes. NO, it doesn't cause me to curse. The cussing is because I'm a mean heartless pain-in-the-neck. But, soon, I'll be rich so I the gold digging ladies will be knocking on my door. They usually over look such insignificant traits.
But, don't let that discourage those women folk who are not as materialistic. I can accommodate you too. Just so long as you're drop dead gorgeous by typical American standards.
No, I don't want someone I'd naturally be attracted to. A real person with real features. Someone who's comfortable with herself. Nope, you have to look like Angelina Jolie or someone equally famous that I'd naturally be a little turned off on. After all, it's the exterior we must concern ourselves with. Right? I mean an entire fashion industry of castrating women and gay men can't be wrong when it comes to what turns a heterosexual male on...right? Right!

I'd like a woman who'd live in a glass house with me. And throw stones just as hard as I do.
Someone who's not afraid to shout at me at 3am in the morning in the front yard and who's not afraid to mouth off when the cops show up an hour later.
But, she has to be willing to come bail me out of jail the next day...if she knows what's good for her she will.
Yeah. I'm all about the drama. And when I become rich, I'll market that into a media deal like Paris. She's soo hot. Right?
I want a woman who's not afraid to talk about me behind my back...but, is just smart enough to know how to show me respect to my face. Cause if she don't, she'll get a lesson in manners that only a rich man, like myself who's unafraid of the police cause I'll just buy a lawyer to get myself out of trouble, can deliver.

I want a woman with taste and style. Someone to help me pick out a double wide when my Nigerian money shows up soon. Someone who knows how many pink flamingos mean class and how many mean tacky.
I want someone who knows which beer to serve me in a can and which to pour into a frosty mug as I watch sports on the 'Batin' channel.

I want a woman who has a decent memory. Someone to remind me which illegitimate child of mine has which birthday, how old they'll be and what would be an appropriate gift to send.
and she should be scrappy too. So she can fight off all of my babies mamma's who keep hasslin' me. And those women who keep thinkin' I'm their kids daddy.
Look woman, I ain't yo' baby's daddy and I'm not stupid enough to go on Maurey a 3rd time. I know they be riggin' those tests.

Sorry. That last one was for 'X' who keeps hasslin' me.

Let's see. I don't want no woman who's got kids neither. I ain't taking care of half the kids that are mine and I ain't taking care of yours.

Hmm, that's about it.

Oh, and I'm tall, dark, handsome and rich. I like romantic evenings on the beach, eating by candlelight, and starting fires...in the fire place and in your heart. I don't burn down no warehouses no more and the cops can't prove nuthin'!

If I sound like the man of your dreams, it's cause I AM. You know it. I know it. So, lets make this thing happen.

Seriously, a catch like me won't last long.

Offer not valid west of the Mississippi, in New York, Rhode Island, D.C. and that pos state Georgia where I have uncalled for warrants by the authorities for things I didn't do and they know I didn't do. They just trying to keep this fine man down.

Now, we all know that that isn't the real me but, it does express my humor some. I have 2 giant dogs who just don't look good in sun dresses thus, the reason why I'm here.

for fun:
Tailgate. Put super-glue into key-holes. Leave the seat up. Drive with my brights on. Gossip maliciously. Roll my eyes whenever someone's talking to me. Call telemarketers back. Go door to door spreading an atheistic message. Spitball fight with kids

favorite things:
Pet rocks. I'm the reason airlines now have luggage weight limits and charge extra for checked bags. You ever try transporting 5 tons of pet rocks through a TSA security check point just so you can take your pets to the beach for a walk in the sand?

favorite hot spots:
Long lines at the grocery store, BMV, and at restaurants and the bathroom. Also, Closets, bushes, shadows, under children's beds...you know...scary places.

last read:
'To Serve Man: a Kanamit Tale' as translated by Jeffrey Dahmer. 'From Dusty Desert to Tasty Dessert: An Aboriginal Lesson to Staying Alive.' by anon 'Improvised Cooking Lessons from Stalingrad and other Famous Sieges.' by Windigo Eathumup-Yumigood.

Umm, uhh...what?
First 'dates' are always meets and greets. No pressure, just a chance to see if there's any compatibility or spark and have some, hopefully good, conversation. I'm fairly honest and straight forward. I don't stand people up and am not 'met-shy'.