WARNING!! This is a seriously long profile of Biblical proportions, so if you intend to read it & before you do, please get yourself a cup of tea & a chocolate hob-nob (or a flask & the whole packet!) Now, are you sitting comfortably....?

Been on here a little while now & have decided to change/update my profile just because it’s about time I did & it's better than watching daytime tv drivel - Doctors & Diagnosis Murder! Hopefully you'll note that not all men on here are unable to string a sentence together nor afraid of using the worlds finest & widely spoken language!

So now to big myself up & sell myself like a must-have-but-don’t-know-why shopping channel or e-bay item........

I’m tall, dark, handsome (well, 2 out of 3 is a good start!), faithful, friendly, playful, (if I had a wet nose, I’d be a labrador puppy!) honest, good natured, affectionate, energetic, non-judgemental, considerate, intelligent, straight talking, hard working, fiercely protective & loyal, (must be my Leo & Chinese year of the Tiger birth signs if you're into that sort of thing), sensitive, humourous, well mannered, easy going, romantic, generous, respectful & a true gent!

Yes I know everyone says all this so why would I be different, but you’ll only know it’s the truth if we meet! Yes, I'm an Essex boy but the therapy is paying off!

I’m a dedicated health/fitness devotee, not just for pleasure as it’s my job so if you dislike big, strong, fit, muscular men, (6’1” & 19st), please stop reading now as I’m not about to give it up as lounging about or endlessly playing on a PS3/Xbox whilst cultivating a kebab/pizza/ale belly is not for me! I did previously have my body-type as big & tall but that was seemingly mistaken far too often as me being a funky-chunky-monkey!

Oh & it's not only women that get asked for sex/one night stands, etc. Sorry but I'm not interested (yes you, un-sexyslapper of tartsville) as how would I know you couldn't last more than 3 minutes?! NO! That's a joke! I'm really NOT interested!!

Anyway, I'm also clean, educated, fully house trained, know how to use a knife & fork, can operate a hoover, washing machine, fan-assisted oven, iron & for you I'll always....leave the toilet seat down!

For all those women still reading, (you've got willpower, thanks!) I apologise for no pictures of me either standing by my manhood extension....er sorry, car (could never become emotionally attached to a lump of metal - unless it was gold bullion) or holding up a monster carp, trout or catfish I just caught or showing my fun side by wearing a traffic cone on my head whilst pi$$ed or bare (pigeon-) chested looking mean & moody or on a beach wearing dodgy sunglasses & tight speedo’s....any other magic moments I’ve missed??


DISLIKES - text speak (except in a text!), snobbery, no sense of humour, unnecessary indecision, control freaks, bad manners, dishonesty, misplaced jealousy, laziness, anyone that drowns rabbits in seriously hot water, taking life too seriously.

MY GOALS - My footballing days are a fading memory but my favourite....a 30 yard screamer into the top corner 2 minutes before the end of a cup final! 3-2 win....back of the net!!........Oh sorry, not those goals!

As this is a dating site & it's the only reason I'm typing all this (& let me tell you, it's bloody hard work typing this much with just my index fingers!) I'd like to find & develop a lasting relationship, (not a string of casual dates or a never ending stream of message tennis!) & I’d like to meet someone who is kind-hearted, affectionate, spirited, open & upfront, without any major hang-ups or issues, possessing confidence in & about herself & who noticeably looks after herself & takes pride in doing so.
Ideally height/weight proportinate, (it's a preference, we all have them!), attractive, (no that's not shallow as without any physical attraction it really wouldn't work), fit, active, likes to have fun/good sense of humour & who will care for & respect me as much as I will care for & respect her - I'd like to think I'd be her (black) knight & she'd be my princess! (That sure is made from the same cheese as the moon, but I'm not erasing it!)
And finally but equally important, I'd like to meet someone who will realise I'm not 'old & past it' (yes, that has been said....oh, how rude!) but that I'm very fit & active with plenty of life left in me! So to those women who've set their incoming messages to a best before age of 45 or less, if you want to reconsider, sorry but you'll need to message me first as I'm blocked out!
So if you have a willingness to be pampered, sometimes spoilt, taken shoe or handbag shopping without any whingeing, always treated like a woman should be, need any spiders, dragonflies, moths or other creepy-crawly removed, then please get in touch. x

PS. If your face picture looks like you have a blue paper bag on your head, it's not appealing in any way, is so last year, really doesn't suit you & best you make some air-holes so you don't suffocate! Oh & PLEASE don't message me as I have an acute case of azure-quadrate-cephalic-a-phobia (yes it's made up, but work it out!!) & I will blatantly ignore you & delete your message! (Simply....no picture, NO reply!)

****If you've read this far, thanks & sorry if you're now suffering a headache, squint, a numb derriere, a cricked neck, pins & needles, a bad back, sleep deprivation, malnutrition or dehydration but just so you know, I had ALL of them PLUS a RSI typing it!****

Sorry, but I can't answer this until....?? Could be dinner (always an option), a comedy club (I do mean like Jongleurs & not 'Time/Envy' in Romford!), a casual drink (or 3) in a bar, an extended lunch, a relaxed coffee (or tea), visiting an art gallery or exhibition, a walk in the park & feeding the ducks, or a moonlit stroll hand in hand along Southend pier in the pouring rain..ok, maybe not!
Definitely no adrenalin fuelled, madcap, extreme outings as I'd find it hard to talk with my last meal in my throat! I'm sure we could eventually come to some mutual arrangement.
Anyway never mind the 1st date, the 2nd will be the result of intrigue & mutual fascination & will be far more exciting!! x