I guess I'll just use POF's suggested items that should be covered in a successful profile:

I am the Queen of the Snappy Comeback.

Musically, I like: blues; rock and roll (but please jesus don't make me listen to another Led Zeppelin tune); stuff that doesn't make the charts but should, like Steve Earle, Drive-By Truckers, Jonny Lang or Jason Isbell; sappy pop like John Mayer or Norah Jones, and finger-snapping Rat Pack tunes (plus a lot of other stuff, like MEH, Stones, Lucinda Williams).

I like people with large vocabularies and good grammar. This doesn't discount the value of people who mangle a sentence (I've been known to do that myself). A sense of humor is an absolute necessity.

I like a good vodka martini. I like the idea of knowing what wine is all about but have far to go before I will. Could use some help with that.

I like big loud family parties. With my sister, I like to throw multi-course themed holiday dinners.

I like to be treated respectfully but the person I like most to make fun of is myself.

I like old funky movies like Plan Nine from Outer Space and Terror of Tinytown, White Christmas, Gone With the Wind and Born Yesterday. Weird stuff like Blair Witch Project and The Chicken Chronicles. Oh, and of course, who can forget Pacino's "Scarface"? or Malkovich in "Shadow of the Vampire"?

I like to read and write. Reading: current events, fiction, non-fiction. Writing: My journal is thousands of pages long-not that I'm that interesting, but I write in painful detail mostly because I type really fast. I also edit a newsletter so I can print anything I feel like writing - how cool is that? I'm also working on my crossword puzzle skills.

I like to make things: jewelry, clothing, gifts, etc.

I like my jobs and look forward to going to work, but man do I like taking time off! I like to travel, though I hardly ever do unless it's business-related. So far other than England and Canada all my travel has been in the lower 48. Dying to see Ireland, Scotland, France, Italy, Greece, Spain and Transylvania.

I like people who have opinions but are willing to respect the opinions of others. I like people who do not try to convert me to their way of thinking, whether it be religious, political or philosophical (I'm non-religious, Liberal Democrat and live-and-let-live).

I like men who have resolved their issues from past relationships and are ready to try something new.

I like to camp as long as it's indoors. I realize this makes me a heretic for daring to live in the Pacific Northwest but what are ya gonna do? My outdoor activities include walking...haven't hiked in years but wouldn't mind as long as it's an easy day-hike. A picnic is nice. Does driving count as an outdoor activity? How about with the sun-roof open? I like sight-seeing. But pretty much all of my interests are indoors. So all you big manly fishermen/hunters/kayakers/skiers take note - if you are looking for an outdoor-activity companion, it ain't me, babe.

There is no occasion too small that I will not over-dress for it. For the nit-picky among you I fully realize this is ungrammatical. It's a credo I borrowed from my daughter and it's in her words, so live with it. I can however do the jeans and sneakers thing with ease as well. And boots. Lots of boots.

What makes me unique is my combination of bold flirtation and utter naivete. I admit my age gladly, but that's because I neither act, look nor feel like I'm 52.

I like to make my home a welcoming and comfortable place that people like to return to. Love me, love my dog. We're an inseparable pair. See picture and you'll see why. She's a sweetie.

I promise that if we decide to meet, or to talk on the phone, and then I change my mind, I will courteously let you know, and I hope that you will extend the same courtesy to me.

Oh, and just to clear up what seems to be an ongoing misunderstanding about me: if the only reason you want to contact me is for sex, forget it. If that's all I was looking for I wouldn't waste my time on this web site, I'd go hang out in some bar. And for you twenty-somethings: I am not a "cougar", and I'm not interested in dating someone younger than my daughter.

If you're looking for a vibrant, intelligent, attractive, funny, loving, compassionate, faithful woman (who also happens to enjoy sex, with the right guy, and after it's been demonstrated that guy is a decent, disease-free and reliable person), contact me.

Also, married guys: LEAVE ME ALONE. This is your last warning! One more married guy contacts me looking for a little "fun on the side" and I will track you down and bust you to your wife and family. I promise.

Meet someplace reasonable for a martini and a mutual sizing-up, allowing enough time to get beyond "hi, how was your day".