Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It's like 'Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the SOCKS. They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
- Jim Gaffigan


Does anyone even read this part? Most likely,no. So if you have made it to this part of my profile I'm assuming you've looked at my pictures and decided that I am tolerable on the eyes. Now I have to put in all the dating profile cliches right? Wrooong. Lets see, I am not very family oriented and my friends don't mean the world to me. I am looking for a girl who will get sloppy drunk with me at least 3 nights a week.

Ok my feeble attempt at a sarcastic and humorous intro will stop now. I'll try to get a little more serious here.

I am looking for a girl to hang out with and see where it goes from there. I am very sarcastic (like 99.9% of the people on here right?), and have a dry sense of humor. So if you get offended easily, please move on. However if shows like South Park, Family Guy, or The Soup make you "LOL" then we would probably get along.

Qualities I look for in a girl: laid-back, good sense of humor(no Debbie Downers please), honest, and drama-free.



By the way ladies, is it really necessary to include your gym schedule on your profile? "I go to the gym daily and I eat healthy foods!" WOW good job want a cookie? I shower everyday but you dont see me bragging about it

Go on Maury. Either that or go out to dinner where the conversation is full of awkward silences.