A fortune cookie I once opened said "Water too pure no good for fishy". What that has to do with Arm & Hammer air freshener or Jessica Simpson's left brain wizardry I have no idea, but here's the deal - I must admit that while a part of me likes BMWs, big baguettes and Fratelli Rossetti shoes, I still can't help but be content with a minimalist lifestyle that entails the more simple pleasures and nuances of life which include (in no particular order):

- a Volkswagen
- Burmese coffee grinds
- Cinnamon Toast Crunch
- the occasional mid-afternoon nap
- a fascination with mother nature
- a fascination with mother goose
- celery sticks & peanut butter
- Noam Chomsky books
- big battery-operated calculators
- Austrian strudel
- MTV Canada
- the smell of ski wax
- old movie theaters playing new movies
- 7-Eleven slurpees
- the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius
- fake Puma shoes
- sweet potato fries
- the way monkeys laugh
- velcro wallets
- xylophones
- hotel-size shampoos
- music from The Roots to JT to Debussy

and well a million otherwise marginal things that make me who I am and would never ever qualify me for a spot on The Bachelorette ... (Did i mention Austrian strudel?)

Of course, if any of those things mean anything to you, then you probably know where i'm coming from. Basically i'm a PBS person living in a VH1 world, a Geico Caveman locked in a culture of Paris Hiltonism, bald Britney-mania and Brangelina's never-ending Namibian kids saga... truth is, i’m like a baby in a topless bar, a Borat without the tie, a persian that acts panamanian, a CornDog Millionaire in the making... Kermit the Frog is my all time hero and yes, ever since my last trip to Vegas I’ve successfully invented a patent-pending technique for beating old folks in bingo...

so whaddya say we get together, memorize stupid keanu movie lines and have a sushi roll food fight?? Cuz you know what?? my milkshake is betta than yours.

so what Eat Pray Tell am i after ?? well i must admit that I’m mos def (that's a great rapper btw) lookin' for someone who at the very least appreciates the delicate 3-stripe details of AquaFresh toothpaste, knows the geographic difference between Washington State and Washington, DC and well a gal who enjoys a simple night eating pineapple pizza, watching Family Guy marathons and yes, indulging in the occasional fun run to Baskin-Robbins would be jolly good too.

Truth be told, I find most every quality in a woman intriguing and I get super excited when I meet a gregarious someone with an original sense of passion, pride, poise and persistence - no I'm not looking to date Nancy Pelosi.

Basically if you can successfully margarita mix yourself with a funky fashion flair and sprinkle even more comedy on top of an already silly situation - you know like those rainbow-colored thingys on top of a donut - then you're always a welcome treat in my mini-menu of mystery!

Of course, if you’re a semi-petulant savant who can commandeer a '72 Mini Cooper while spittin' out Marley-inspired manifestos that’s kool too, but otherwise I can make do with a clever chick who can sport a kangol and simply smile like the sun - without destroying the ozone layer of course...

And oh yeah lest i forget, if you possess a witty global sensibility alongside an otherwise overarching tolerance and curiosity for incredibly incomprehensible things like electrophysics, Donald Trump’s hair and the federal gasoline tax, then you're A-1 sauce on my list... Not that any of those things mean anything, but let's just say intelligent curves not cleavage are more my cup of tea.

So if you've got a Jenna Elfman effervescence and a Marisa Tomei temperament (and agree that a balanced diet is having a cookie in each hand) then you're my kinda girl !! come give this teddy bear a hug and I promise I'll break out into some serious Busta Rhymes !! what what !??