So its late at night and you’re perusing this site because its free and you’re too cheap to pay for E-disharmony. Guy after guy seems to be the same, and the creep factor is reaching an all time high. Just when you look at the clock and think its too late to stay on any longer, you look at one more for the road and stumble onto my profile. Now you really want to logoff. Thinking evil thoughts about frying this fish?

Are you more than a pretty face? I’m an above average troublemaker looking for his above average wench. Are you creative, loyal, funny, a believer in God, and good at hopscotch? I’m not. No really. I’m everything except one of those qualities and I won’t tell you which one.

I’m finding Nemo on this plenty o’ fish site… or in this case, Nema, because I’m looking for a woman. All walks of life are welcome, as long as you’re a dame, not a dude.

Do you have baggage? Don’t we all. I’m fine with baggage as long as you carry yours and I’ll carry mine. If you try to make me carry your baggage, I might suddenly come down with ADD. Keys to my heart- be funny, interesting, and housebroken. Bonus points if you have a severe case of Tourette’s Syndrome. I’m a pain in the ass... think you can handle it?

Panhandling at a freeway exit or collecting aluminum cans in the park are always good first dates. Or… a relaxing Sunday afternoon meetup at a local coffeehouse would be a good way to get to know each other. We could talk about the issues of the day, like the ladies on the TV program “The View”. I’ll be Barbara Walters, which makes you Whoopi.