Lonely? Table for one? Need someone to snuggle with on a rainy day?

We have an app for that!

Introducing the iDavid!

Now with...a 100% Honey-Back-Guarantee

Try David free for 30 days. If you are not completely satisfied, you get your ex-honey back! No questions asked! And if you order now, your name will be automatically entered in a drawing for a free LONG-TERM-RELATIONSHIP!!

(Note: Quantities are limited. Strict limit of 1 per household. Offer void where prohibited. Not available in stores. Some restrictions may apply. Puppy and batteries not included. Contents sold on weight; some settling may occur.)

And look at these features:
* Domesticated and house-broken (puppy….not so much)!
* Never before seen on Cops!
* Only 1 previous owner (and only ridden on weekends)!

Looking for:
* Female with BIG…ugh…heart. No. Seriously.
* Must be cool with small inside dog because he came first and called dibs.
* She should be committed. No, not THAT kind of committed.
* If you suffer from anti-social or narcissist personality or similar disorder, my heart goes out to you but please pass me by; I did my time.

And, yeah, the good ones ARE taken. So settle down. Now. Besides, you could do much worse.

My name is David and I approve this message.

Testimonial: 1 out of 1 ex-wives agree:

"A man with such a good heart, thats basically a nice person, thats eager to please me, that can love so intensely another human, and honest, trustworthy, and accepting is difficult to say goodbye to because there are not that many of them. And I wonder if I'll find someone thats sweet like that again." Said the ex-wife.

Operators are standing by.
----

I screwed up. Big time.

I achieved academic success. I achieved career success. I achieved financial success.
But all that doesn’t count for squat when compared to holding Her hand, wrapping
my arms around Her waist, smelling Her hair, smiling when I glance Her face, watching
Her sleep.

If only I had one more chance.

A relatively short meetup for dinner, coffee, drinks, or ice cream to see if there is a potential match.