I wish I could say that I became a tax attorney because of my love for numbers and clear cut rules, but the truth of the matter is that I became a tax lawyer for the same reason that musicians join bands – for the chicks. As you all know, women go wild over a single tax attorney with a six-figure adjusted gross income, no dependents and a record of no audits. In fact, upon seeing my tax return on a blind date, women have become so love struck that they became physically ill. They must have known right then that they were no match for a true tax player.
However, that’s fine with me, because it just leaves more room for the rest of the honeys. I’m like that old woman in the shoe. I’ve got so many women, I don’t know what to do.
One day, I was walking to the door of my fully depreciable condo when I was approached by one of my neighbors, Cindy. “Excuse me,” she said, “You wouldn’t happen to be a tax lawyer, would you?” What gave me away – my personalized key chain– TAXPLAYA?
When I confirmed that I was a tax lawyer, I could see the look of lust already forming in her eyes. She needed help with her taxes and wondered if I could help. She offered to pay me but I’m a tax player, not a tax pimp! I told her that I would be more than happy to help her out over dinner at my place on Friday night.
During dinner, we discussed her particulars and even a few tricks of the trade that we tax lawyers like to call “Pillow Talk.”
On cue, I excused myself to the bedroom, slipped into something a little more comfortable (Florida Gator pajamas), and set the tone with a little mood music. In this case, I must have “overset” the mood because when I emerged from the bedroom, Cindy was gone.
I wasn’t fazed. It’s natural for a woman to get nervous when in the clutches of a true tax player. But like the rest of them, Cindy will be back. And when she gets audited for attempting to implement some of the tips I gave her, I’ll be there to pick up the pieces. The tax man always rings twice.