Hey, what's up?

I'm Mike.
I'm an artist. I'm a former military guy. I have a twisted sense of humor. I'm a leo. I am going to save your butt when the zombie outbreak happens.




I want a girl with 5 kids from different dads.
I want a girl that lives with her parents at 26+ and never plans on moving.
I want a girl that needs to still ask her mom or dad for permission to go out with me on a date. Hell, I want the girl that will BRING her parents on the date with her.
I want a girl with no job.
I want a girl with no car.
I want a girl that absolutely hates physical contact.
I want a girl that wants me to pay for every single thing and gives me absolutely nothing in return.
I want a girl that just wants to get pregnant and wants a free ride in life.
I want a girl that does a ton of drugs.
I want a girl that has absolutely no imagination.
I want a girl that talks to 20 guys a night and texts them while you're on a date with her.
I want a girl that hates geeky guys.
I want a girl that drinks when she wakes up until she blacks out at night.
I want a girl that has at least 2 stalker ex-boyfriends, one for every corner of the room, waiting to sleep with her because she's still leading them on.
I want a girl that talks about her ex 24-7 and hasn't gotten over the fact they broke up.
I want a girl that has cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had and slept with their best friend too.
I want a girl that NEVER. LAUGHS. EVER.
I want a girl with no future.
I want a girl that plays more games than the entire Milton Bradley Quality Assurance team combined.

This sound like you? SIGN ME UP... ...for absolutely not talking to you.



I know what I want in life. I'm not looking to become part of the loser collection you have. Crazies and drunks need not apply. If you're shallow, take a hike.

I love spontaneous dates. Movies are cool. Red Sox game sounds fun. Mountain Biking in random spots is a blast. The Aquarium never gets old! How about a whale watch? I'm up for pretty much anything that sounds fun.


Don't over-think it. Fun and laughter is the key to winning my heart.