1. Don't ask me what I like to do for FUN, read my interests.
2. Don't be married or have a girlfreind.
3. No kids that are still crapping mustard in their diapers.
4. Not looking for a one night stand
5. No midgets or over weight lard asses. If you're 5'7" or shorter, don't bother.
6. Be employed, gainfully employed.
7. Have all of your teeth and not the ones you take out at night.
8. Hair in the normal places...no wooley mammouths!
9. Have a vehicle, not picking you up at the bus or train.
10. Must have affection for pets. Doggie beaters will not be tolerated. Cat and any other animal beaters too!
11. Must not live with your parents, wives, ex-wives, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, etc. having room mates will be considered. I'm not making any promises here.
12. Must not live in a card board box.
13. No therapist going loonies, it's your fault you're the way you are, not your parents! Wake up and smell the coffee.
14. No wheelchair dudes or those who are mentally challenged, though it seems this place attracts them.
15. Must be clean and properly bathed without earwax dripping out of your ear canal. Don't you know how to use a q-tip?
16. No ear hair, nose hair, or stray twigglets hanging out of the end of your mole.
17. No foreigners. Speak english and pay your taxes!
18. No religous freaks, god is not going to save you from anything, and besides have you seen god ever? No Harold Camping fans!
19. Criminals are not welcome, there's no reforming your punishable deeds.
20. Sex offenders, peeping toms, perverts, role playing freakos, move on to the next profile.
21. Don't be 21.
22. Don't have herpes or sores on your lips, or halitocious breath - eeewwwwww
23. No black nails or that horrible long pinky nail that guys pick their ass with.
24. No nasty feet in cheap jesus sandals. or the sock trick sandals look, or those who wear black socks with white sneakers. C'mon people, we know that cool hippy people would never have nasty feet or ever wear socks with their sandals.
25. 50 and over, take a hike. Face the fact, it doesn't work anyway without cialis.
26. Don't live around the world. Don't even live more than 60 miles away. I'm not coming to you and, if you're looking for a new place to live, I'm not sponsoring your move to a new place.
27. Have all of your extremities attached to your body! No one armers and one leggers. My name isn't Florence Nightingale.
28. If you feel that my profile is offensive, DON'T EMAIL ME! I don't want to hear your rants and, I don't want to hear from you. Get a life and email the other freaks that match with you perfectly.
29. No vegans. Go and graze with the mules in the fields. I like a nice steak and that ain't changing.
30. Know the difference between your, you're, were, we're, their, there, they're, well and good, etc. C'mon people, we learned this in elementary school.

That's about it. Look forward to hearing from the normal men on here. Can you handle it ?

If you've read my entire profile and you're laughing, please feel free to email me. If you're seething mad, don't bother. If you do not find any humor in the above list, you're not the type of person I want to communicate with or meet.

Now, the real stuff:

I'm a single mom of 2 terrific (over 18) kids. I'm honest, respectful, and committed to what I believe in.

I have a witty sense of humor (love Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld, and Entourage) and I'm very loyal and dedicated to my friends and family.

When I'm not working, I love going to concerts, Broadway shows, NYC, the beach, dining out, just going for a drive......destination unknown. My musical tastes are somewhat diverse, I love the Grateful Dead (no, I do not wear tie dyes and Birkenstocks), Jefferson Airplane, Hot Tuna, Gov't Mule, Grand Funk Railroad, southern rock (Lynyrd Skynyrd, Rossington Collins, Outlaws, Marshall Tucker) to hair bands, Blind Melon, some pop (Justin Timberlake), a touch of rap (Kanye is cool), to classical pieces (Vivladi's Four Seasons is one of my fav's). I love going out dancing here and there.

I love to travel. A few of my favorite destinations include San Francisco, Chicago. Las Vegas and the Caribbean, however, I'm willing to travel at least once really anywhere. Additionally, my interests include boating, skiing, and horse riding. I'd love to learn how to sail, anyone out there care to teach me?

Things that make me smile: the smell of spring rain on the lawn, the sounds of children laughing, walking on the beach and smelling the salt water air, sitting by a fire on a cold winter day with a special someone.

I'm looking for a meaningful, long term relationship; just not on the first few dates.

I'm seeking my "other half", an honorable, honest, respectful man who enjoys life, has a great sense of humor. Someone who is outgoing and ready for adventure. Someone who has similar interests, yet may have interests that I'd love to learn about.

I'd love to meet a man who has integrity and good values, is honest and sincere, and has a wicked sense of humor.

A man who enjoys spending a weekend together on a spontaneous adventure or doing absolutely nothing but enjoying one another.

A man who has a great work ethic, enjoys being outside whether on the beach in the tropics or skiing in Jackson Hole.

I'd like to meet a man who understands mutual respect, loyalty, and dedication and someone who understands the meaning of give and take.

Please have a recent photo available to view, be honest regarding your age and description.

Floor the gas pedal if your hidious, and fugly.
Drinks if you're cool, dinner if I'm hungry, you're buying!
No sex on first date. If you make it to a second date, still no sex. Not even the third or fourth. Get a life.
Peace Out and good luck to all you losers!!!!!