SAID I WOULDNT DO THIS UNTIL PIGS FLY, BUT I NOW I SEEN PIG'S FLU!

K, that wasnt very funny, but thats why I need a funny, interesting, awesome girl to help me with the punch lines (but no actual punching, thnk u BDSMSWF)

(The last bold red lettering instructing me to do something btw said redrum, but I'll listen to it again anyways)

I like dirty jokes (so does my cellmate), talking about shooting pirates in the face, and writing love letters to Tina Fey. For fun I like to hide from my dog behind trees in the park, and shaming her in to chasing squirrels up strangers legs.

My hobbies are pretty regular - flipping light switches on and off 30 times whenever I enter a room, eating pills from the camh dumpster, biting ppl wearing sars masks.

Im always happy and easily amused derrr. I love kids, and look forward to having a few with the right woman or 8 with the wrong one. My goals in life are to have a wonderful family, be succesful, and retire young. This will allow my wife and I to travel more, and to keep our kids from moving back in.

I really enjoy kissing, cooking, and exploring a new city. I mostly cook asian stuff, but love to eat (and drink) italian. One of my goals is to learn to be a skilled chef, or to marry one.

I used to like more garagey, gospely house - Ten City, Kenny Bobien, Lisa Shaw, etc. Now im more electro, funky chunky techno... Still prefer 90's hip hop like Group Home, Goodie Mob,Raggae in the sun...Id rather pour hot coffee in my ears than listen to 93.5 fm..but I love college radio, esp getting intro'd to stuff Ive never heard.

Go dancing all the time, love a girl who can boogie :P

Lately I carved through Cut Copy, Tiesto..cant wait for new Sade in the fall :) :)

I'd purchase us 2 tickets on a North Korean rocket and we would enjoy our first kiss just as we blew up somewhere over Japan.

For our second date we would be reincarnated as saimese chins on a really fat guy and go to McDonalds.