I’m a dynamic figure often seen scaling walls & crushing ice. I woo women with my demigod-like kazoo playing ability; I cook 30 min. brownies in 20 mins. I chew other people’s pencils, take labels off unopened cans of food.I signal right turn left. For surprise gifts, I overhaul auto-engines and take credit if it doesn’t start.

I am the subject of numerous documentaries. And When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my living room. On Wednesdays, I repair nuclear reactors at no charge for the Seniors Centre. I give inaccurate stock quotes (buy high-sell low).

I’m a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail; I sign important document’s in crayon.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in the international botany circles. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby****& David Copperfield in 1 day AND still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.

I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket; I sleep once a week. On weekends I participate in full-contact origami.

I’ve made extraordinary 4 course meals using only a whisk & toaster; I breed prize-winning clams. I’ve spoken with Elvis, howled at the moon and swam with jellyfish. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

AMENDMENT:

1. If you drink beer faster then me and get into a fight with the bar staff. Your walking home.
2. WHY is it that women put pictures of their animals in their profile. I want to date YOU.. not the dog. There are laws you know.
3. I will not EVER do Karaoke. Read the news.. that is where drive by shootings happen. It's an omen.
4. You can insult me all you want. But if you make fun of my rubber duck I will be hurt.
5. I appreciate the independent woman. But if your independence is so ingrained in you that just because you have your own pay cheque and a dildo and don't care whether I exist or not, then I ain't it. I want to be appreciated for what I offer in a relationship.
6. I am a man, not an Neanderthal. I actually know what my opposable thumb is for. It is for operating a cork screw. I appreciate a Pinot Noir as much as a pint of beer.
7. I appreciate the subtly of a woman. It is quite charming when a lady tries to not act interested when they really are.
8. Unlike other men, I believe in hygiene. I hope you appreciate that as well.

AMENDMENT TO THE AMENDMENT:

I wanted to say something a little more serious. Because otherwise I will be looking like a jackass;

I have been searching for the lady that makes me want to rush home to her. Who I can take for walks out into the woods holding her hand in mine.

I want someone who can put passion in the bedroom. I want be with someone who will be attentive to my needs as I want to be attentive to her needs.

I like to do photography and I want to meet someone who I can't stop taking pictures of.

I want a woman in my life, not a little girl.

I wish to meet someone who I can brag about. Can dress up and be beautiful or put on a pair of jeans and get their hands dirty.

When I go diving, I want someone who will be there when my boat comes back. When I play rugby, she will be there to cheer for me.

I want a lady who is smart and funny. Someone who can make me laugh.

I am looking for the one!

Are you her?

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Order take out and give the address to Commonwealth Stadium.. I dunno.. depends on what is the least likely to be arrested