Please read entire profile, there will be a quiz later! First you should know I don't own a Harley, I do however own a bicycle if that helps! What is it with women and Harleys? Second and seemingly less important than the Harley issue, I'm not really 49. I didn't mean to mislead you, well maybe I did, OK, I FLAT OUT LIED!!! and I never lie. In fact I will go on record right now...."all the rest of the information in this profile is absolutely, without exception, some version of the truth." So how old am I? Old enough that I remember when the Beatles landed, my first car had an 8-trac player, and at my high school graduation we spiked the punch bowl and danced the night away to Karen Carpenters, "we've only just begun". You guessed it, I'm from the stone age!!!

But chronological age doesn't tell the whole story. I've been blessed with good genes. My grandparents lived to be nearly 100, my aunt 102, an uncle thats 97, and my father still runs his own business at 86. I take care of myself and could easily pass for a man in his early forties, providing I have my teeth in and a good supply of Viagra! Actually I don't need the Viagra, I'm just intrigued by this idea "in case of an erection lasting more than four hours, consult your doctor". If it should happen that we would meet, date, fall in love, and become physically intimate, and I should have an erection lasting more than four hours, screw my doctor! CALL THE FREAKING PARAMEDICS!!! and wipe that smile off your face!

I should also add that I don't smoke (I would prefer to live!). I don't use drugs (however if the economy continues this downward slide I may need drugs, lots of drugs!) I do enjoy an adult beverage on occasion but I make it a point to never over indulge (the possible exception being if I have to dance or God forbid sing at a kareoke club! in which case "LOOK OUT" you'll be driving home!) I also run three miles every other day and the days I don't run I lift weights. Don't misunderstand,I don't exactly look like the Bowflex guy (however that would be the objective). I'm merely trying to impress upon you that I'm fit, my belly doesn't lap over my belt buckle, and when I bend over my entire butt stays neatly tucked into my trousers.

If you're still not convinced that you could find a man my age attractive than consider this; the following men are at or about my age. Mel Gibson, Kevin Costner, Pierce Brosnan, and Dennis Quaid. I'm 4 yrs younger than Richard Gere, 11 yrs younger than Harrison Ford, and 23 yrs younger than Sean Connery! Enough about my age, do I sound a bit sensitive on the topic?


I don't know exactly what I'm looking for in a woman but unlike the marketing geniuses at e-harmony I don't think we need to be compatable 29 different ways. In fact I think some areas of in-compatability actually make for a more interesting relationship. I can tell you a few things I'm not looking for.
1) If it takes the fingers on both of your hands to count the number of body piercing's you have, I doubt you are my type.
2) If you have so many tatoo's that you could now be mistaken for a comic book, I doubt you are my type.
3) If you have ever started a sentence with the phrase "me and her", not only are you not my type but you need to go back and repeat the 5th grade.
4) And if in your 40+ yrs of life you have not yet mastered the simple task of how to correctly hold a knife and fork, I doubt you are my type.
I don't mean to sound like a pompous prick, nor do I care to offend anyone. I'm just being honest. It isn't so much about your age, or being overweight, or how pretty you may or may not be. But a woman who takes pride in her appearance, has a fair grasp of the english language, and the social skills to fit any occasion, are all qualities that I find attractive.

Well, I would be in favor of sex, but if you know anything at all about men you've probably guessed that much! What can I tell you , its instinctive. From the day were born (possibly even before depending on what side of that argument you're on) men are in hot pursuit. It has been over thirty years since I last dated and I'm not sure I remember very much about it. However, the one thing I do remember is that it's my job to try to get into your panties, and your job to keep me out!!!

I suppose if I'm to expect any sane women to respond to this I should stop going for laughs and be a bit more serious so, FIRST DATE, I think the key word here is interaction. Anotherwords, I would not want to see a movie. Perhaps coffee, a drink, or dinner, lots of conversation. I would want to get to know you, the very essence of you. And if there is an attraction I would be content to just get lost in your eyes for the rest of the evening.....and then we could have sex!!!

To the rare individual who might still be reading all this I hope I made you laugh, or at least brought a smile to your face. After all this is suppose to be fun! I do have a more serious side and the one thing I'm very serious about is finding the right woman for me. It is probably way premature to even bring this up but in view of the fact that I brought up the topic of sex I should clarify that I'm not at all interested in a "one nighter", a "sex buddy", or "friends with privileges", or any other twisted sick variance of what a relationship between a man and women should be. I have a moral compass. I was raised to believe that above all else women are to be respected. That its important to actually be in love before you make love. I believe in monogamous relationships, and my idea of safe sex isn't so much about wearing a suit of armor as it is about knowing who your partner is.