I'm hilarious!!

Hi! I'm a pretty simple, outgoing guy who love to do just about anything. I love tailgating, hanging out at dive bars, going for long runs/bike rides, movies, snack runs, roller coasters, and just about anything else you could think of. I try not to limit myself and stay as open minded as I can about most things. I am a high school history teacher, and coach football and wrestling. I love what I do and couldn't really see myself being with someone who doesn't like kids.

I really am just tired of people who seem to do nothing but waste my time, and Id love to come across someone who wants all the things that I do while not settling for less than everything I want. Dating sucks. I have been on and off this site for a bit with very mixed results! haha I have a great job, great family and friends, and just want that one last piece!

I'm basically just looking for someone who is easy going, down to earth, not stuck up, has a sense of humor, and a little bit of a dirty mind. I came the realization of how crazy it is trying to meet someone at a bar and figured, "why not online?" So here I am. I take care of myself and my body, and would love to have someone who does as well (Who wouldn't want someone to go for bike rides, runs, and to the gym with?) My friends and I have a saying.. "The reason why I have friends like you, is because I can't kick myself in the balls!" Please be able to take a joke. I need a woman who can roll with the punches and give it just as good as she gets it. (get your mind out of the gutter) I grew up in an Italian family, ballbusting is a second language.

I really don't believe in settling for anything less than everything you want. Unfortunately, some people just settle.. I refuse to!

And most importantly, be someone who likes to go for random midnight snack trips while we pause the DVD we were watching that night. Those are the best kind of nights as far as I'm concerned

P.S. if you hang out and djais... then we probably won't get along, if you have no idea what djais is... we will absolutely get along. haha


A quick reference guide to screening a female's profile:
(a good litmus test to see if you have a sense of humor, and realize I'm not being serious.. ok a little serious.. haha)

if the woman says she is:
40-ish = 72.
Adventurous = Slept with everyone.
Athletic = No breasts
Average looking = Moooo.
Beautiful = Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure = On medication.
Feminist = Fat
Free spirit = Junkie
Friendship first = Former slut.
New-Age = Body hair in the wrong places.
Likes to try new things = Likes to try new things.. in bed
Old-Fashioned = No BJs.
Open-minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional = call girl
Voluptuous = Very Fat
I love my BMW = I'm a tool
European = stuck up, you live here.. get over it
Wants soul mate = Stalker


What I have figured out so far about women: What they say v. what they mean

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I am sorry - You'll be sorry
We need to talk = you're in trouble
Sure, go ahead = you better not
Do what you want = you will pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course, I'm upset!
You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

Typically it's really not where you are but who you are with, everything else usually takes care of itself