I work Action Force Security Patrol (cue ****in' 80's guitar solo) so I keep weird hours that could change whenever they decide they need me to defend America and Justice and Apple Pie (but mostly construction sites) in some other place. It's mostly easy but, like I said, the hours are stupid as all get out.

I'd really like to do even less than sitting on my ass watching reruns of the X-Files on my laptop, namely writing bad screenplays for the Sci-Fi Channel to further ruin Lou Diamond Phillips' career. Not because I don't like him or anything, more like when you have to put down an old or injured animal. It's the humane thing to do.

My cousin once drunkenly told me he respected me for my story telling abilities. I then told him he needed to put on pants and he argued with me and stumbled around, but it doesn't nullify my story-telling abilities.

Geeze, I dunno, I'm terrible at planning things. I usually mess up any sort of planning. Why don't we go on an adventure, mebbe like Pike Place to tell that one vendor I haven't used the Soviet Paratrooper flask other than to take a picture with my Makarov. In any case, adventures are where it's at. Get an Indiana Jones hat and a revolver and a whip, maybe an Asian boy to say witty things.