| Raku The Narrator :
Seeking the elusive 'homie/lover/friend' |
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| City |
Southfield Michigan |
| Area |
United States |
| Ethnicity |
Black |
| Sign |
Aquarius |
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Height | 6' 0" (183 cm)
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| I am Seeking a |
Woman
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Who is Looking
for |
Dating |
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| Smoker? |
No |
| Do you drink? |
Socially |
| Marital Status |
Single |
| Profession |
Construction |
| Smarts |
Associates degree |
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| Do you want children? |
Undecided/Open |
| Do you do drugs? |
No |
| Do you have children? |
No |
| Do you have a car? |
Yes |
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| | About Me |
| | First of all, let me make it clear that I'm not interested in anyone who has previously messaged other users for an 'intimate' encounter, sex, oral stimulation, vaginal penetration... or any activity which might be considered 'sextracurricular' (aka NASTY)! Yeah right:/ I'm clearly joking here ladies, I frankly gives not a good got damn what (or whom) you choose to do in your spare time. I just had to state that for the record, since so many of you ask why I 'contradict' myself later in this commentary. Although I do find it most peculiar that we (men) don't have the option to check the "no intimate encounter seekers" box, even if we wanted to:/ Seems to imply that it's already understood that we (men) are all horny b@stards in search of an intimate encounter (or two). But if that's understood, then why do they even bother giving y'all the option to specify that you're not interested in those (horny) types? Just to make you feel good I suppose:/
Okay, all bullsh!t & philosophy aside... I'm a hell bound, but well rounded and well... grounded intelligentleman infatuated with music and the spoken word. Although (contrary to popular belief) I'm not really a 'poet' (in the conventional sense of the term). I prefer to think of myself as more of a word connoisseur... a 'phraseologist' of sorts. What can I tell you? Some say I'm touched. I don't know if that means I'm touched by the hand of God... or touched with a stroke of insanity. But I guess either works fine for me, especially since (supposedly) there's such a thin line between genius and insanity.
And while we're on the subject of genius vs. insanity, I've actually had my IQ tested a couple times; once as an adolescent and once as an adult. Both times they claimed I was a genius, which (I must say) came as quite the pleasant surprise. But now the older I get, the more I realize that (in all actuality) my IQ is no where near genius level... I'm just generally surrounded by a bunch of fuqing morons! And ironically, they're the ones usually responsible for all the frikkin' insanity... crazy, ain't it?
Anyway, so I've got this obsessive compulsion to manipulate words... a 'word fetish' if you will. I don't know, I just love playin' with 'em; much the way a baby loves playin' with his mama's tiddys. Or better yet, the way the daddy loved playin' with 'em long before the baby was even a thought. Only difference is, I ain't a baby... a daddy... or a 'baby daddy'... and I like to think I don't suck;)
But when it comes to love and romance, let me start by stating that I love to fight, and I fight to love. Although I think that 'love' is often over-rated, and 'like' is under-estimated. Seems like everybody's lookin' for love (and often findin' it) in all the wrong places... and for the wrong reasons:/ But my philosophy is, I frankly don't need your love... if I don't like you. That's when the sh!t gets complicated.
I guess in a nutshell, I just need a chick who's real enough to admit that a good man is hard to find, and that a hard man is good to find. And I suppose it helps if she can appreciate having found a mufuqa who is good and hard at all times! Anyway, I could clearly go on for days. But if I spill all the beans now, what (pray tell) would I have left to tell you when we hook up?
Oh, and one more thing... to all the ladies out here adamantly and emphatically itemizing a ridiculously long grocery list of requirements and prerequisites your ideal man must meet in order to be deemed worthy of a simple reply... are you really effin' serious? I would strongly advise you to get over yourself (quick, fast and in a hurry)! Especially those of you proudly proclaiming that "he (the guy) shouldn't have any kids... 'cause your half dozen crumbsnatchers are already more than enough!" Like, are you even listening to how retarded that nonsense sounds as it spews out your mouth? As much as it hurts me to say this, the bottom line is, how can you not be willing to 'settle' for anything less than Superman... when (in fact) the only way you'd stand a snowball's chance in hell at having a relationship with Superman... is if he were willing to 'settle' for yo @ss?!
And please let me add this, what's up with the people who indicate that they have kids, but openly state that they're still undecided as to whether or not they want 'em? Does that imply that you're contemplating putting 'em up for adoption, child abandonment... tossing 'em off a bridge, what?! Or worse yet, how 'bout those special cases who "prefer not to say" how many kids they have? Like, do you not realize that the only thing worse than a parent who constantly wants to talk about his/her kids... is the parent with so many damn gremlins, it ain't even worth talkin' about?! Hell, the only person you need to be talkin' to, is your doctor... about gettin' your god damn tubes tied! Straight up-
And (last but not least) why do some of y'all "prefer not to say" what your body type is? I truly don't get that one:/ I mean, what would you think if I told you that I "prefer not to say" what size my (you know what) is?! You'd be like, "WTF has this Oscar Meyer Weiner @ss nigga got to hide?!" 'Cause that's pretty much, a dead give-away that I must be workin' with a Vienna sausage! When the bottom line is first of all, if I don't like your 'love handles'... evidently I can't 'handle' your love! Right? You say you want a nigga to keep it real... right? Come on!
Secondly, if you just don't want me to know you have the body of a Greek goddess, until I've had a chance to discover your more noteworthy attributes... then test me, and say you're "average" or carrying a "few extra lbs". That way you'll know if I'm all about your 'inner beauty' or just your 'outer booty'! So I don't know if that's the true meaning behind Victoria's Secret, but (whether you wanna' believe it or not) you can't hide your body forever baby... unless you only plan to date in the 'cyber world'!
Oh, and while we're on the subject of bootys and boobies and various other parts of the female anatomy... Why are so many of y'all so concerned about whether or not a dude has previously "messaged users for intimate encounters or sex"? I truly fail to see the relevency, your honor:/ I mean hell, if finding your true soulmate was really as simple as 123... most of us probly wouldn't be here! Only God knows if (and when) I'll ever cross paths with Mrs Right. But that don't mean it ain't a storm brewin' over here in a niggaz groin! So in the meantime and in between time (when that proverbial 'wicked itch' needs a scratch) why should you give a damn if I choose to lock horns with Miss 'Right Here & Now'. Besides, it's good practice. I'm quite certain that by the time I finally do get to yo' @ss, you'll be the main one complainin' if a nigga is all rusty and off beat, right? Mm hmm... I thought so! Oh snap... there I go keepin it real again! Peace y'all, Narrator out |
| | First Date |
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To my experience, women love surprises. So divulging the classified details of my ideal first date would be pre-mature and self-defeating... would it not?
But I will say, I must have missed the memo regarding when it became customary to do the 'coffee shop' thing as a first date:/ Like, what the hell is so special about designer cappuccino and over priced marble cake? On what 'grounds' was this new law mandated? And what if it happens to be summer time? Is it just me, or does it not seem more practical to meet at an ice cream parlor if it's 90 degrees outside?
I don't know, perhaps it's my utter disdain and loathing of the taste (of coffee) that slants my view on the subject. Not to mention, I have an allergy to caffine that makes me nauseous after just one sip. Although I suppose I could just order decaf... except (like I said) the taste does nothing for me anyway. Which reminds me, if the original reason coffee was invented, was to help keep you awake (and the caffine is what provides the extra boost of energy), then exactly what purpose does decaf serve?! Is that like drinking a non-alcoholic beer? Furthermore, shouldn't we already be excited enough about our initial meeting (slash first date), not to require the assistance of any man-made substance to keep us from falling asleep?!
Hell, the way I see it (if you're even half the woman your profile indicates) I should be so amped up by the end of the night, that upon my arrival back home, I might actually need to take some sh!t to help knock me out... not the other way around! But there I go being logical. I kinda' have a nasty habit of that... so they tell me:/
And speaking of logic, somebody please riddle me this... for all you chix claiming not to want a 'friend with benefits', do you mean to imply that you just want a regular 'friend'? And if that's the case, then why the hell are you on a 'dating' site? And I bet if you got married, you'd want the mutha fuqa to have some benefits!
Oh, and um... can somebody please tell me what exactly constitutes one as a 'serious' member... and how much extra does it cost to become one? And is a 'non-serious' member considered to be on some bullsh!t? I just have to ask 'cause I'd hate for some 'serious' member to browse my page, only to discover that I'm on some 'non-serious' (bullsh!t) status, and decide to make like a Lee Nail and Press On! 'Cause I mean hey, you just never know... that coulda' been the one... SERIOUSLY!
And is the 'serious' member typically looking for just a 'friend' or a 'friend w/benefits'? 'Cause the general consensus seems to be that anyone in search of a friend w/benefits is not too serious minded. But (on the flip side) if regular friendship (w/out the benefits) is all you desire... just how serious (about a relationship) are you really? I'm like, seriously confused right now:/ |
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Raku The Narrator has 2 roses that can be sent. |
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