Once upon a time, in the land of California, a child was born that would save the world. Next to him, an angry, grumpy boy was born that reached over and smacked the do gooder. This is that story.

*****Warning, lengthy profile, but brutally honest and saves us both time.******

Don’t judge me based on my looks; you would be surprised that the package doesn’t match the contents. I am a working professional, yes I wear collared shirts and dress pants, even the rare suit. But I also have 10 tattoos and dress casual in my time off. I am not Athletic in build, my washboard abs do have a bit of laundry on them. But I am also not in flabby shape either. I workout when I can. If you want a rock hard body guy, scroll down and click the "Remove SRSoarian From My Matches".

In my off time I like to work on vehicles and computers, camp, dine out, take road trips, grill out and cook. I also enjoy playing video games and watching movies. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, not that hard to figure out how I am feeling at any moment in time. I am a notorious tinkerer, if something is broken I will try to fix it. Pretty much 50/50 on if it will work after I “fix” it, but I watched too much MacGuyver growing up most likely.

I believe in being honest regardless the cost, for those of you who do not know the word it is Integrity. Humor and laughter are a must for me; these two things can heal any wound on the soul plus its just damn good to laugh. If you cannot laugh at yourself you have no right to laugh at others. I am a smoker, yes it is a vice but one I am comfortable with.

I own the world’s most awesome dog, her name is Shadow. She is my baby, if you do not like dogs I am not the man for you. Know how some people say "my kids come first", well she is my kid and comes first.

I am still very much a 80's lover. The best TV shows, cartoons, music videos, etc all came for the 80s. MacGuyver, The A-team, Airwolf, MASH, Knight Rider, Dallas, Magnum PI, Mork and Mindy...the list goes on. Movies like Legend, E.T., Top Gun, Footloose, Bill and Teds, Dune, Highlander...etc, all great flicks to this day. If you can’t remember any of these, I feel for you.

So what am I looking for? Someone who likes to enjoy life and its simple pleasures to their fullest. Someone with a sense of humor and has a sense of self. The ability to openly communicate is a must, but understands that at times I suck conveying what I am thinking. Looking for someone who is 20% angel and 80% devil, whose eyes can look past the BS in life and see the good things. A woman with tattoo/s, piercing/s or both is a bonus. Intelligence and the capability to carry on a conversation is another must. Nothing worse than trying to talk with someone who's I.Q. is lower than the food on their plate. If I get that deer in the headlight look, just gonna run over you and keep on trucking. I think Garth said it best "She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class." Thats the lady I am looking for.

Here are some things that will put me off.
~If you have kids but treat them like they are liabilities, accessories, or an inconvenience, I don’t have time for you. Kids are a precious gift and should come first with you.
~Looking for a fast lay? Wrong guy. I am not into nor looking for casual sex, FWB's, hook ups, booty calls, etc. I have a hand if need be and would rather use it than lower my standards to just have sex for the sake of sex.
~Pictures. If you only have a face pic, pic of you unmarked in a crowd of friends or those utterly retarded "hold your arms above you" pics I won’t chat with you. Same thing for those of you who only do bathroom glamour shots. Post at least 1 normal picture please, not that hard to ask someone to take one.
~Grammar and font. If you use chat lingo, every sentence contains a typo or you just type in all CAPS, again not interested.
~I would appreciate that those who are drastically out of shape / over weight not contact me. Not being an a-hole here just being honest. I'm not looking for a barbie girl but I am also not interested in those who are overweight.
~If you are really married and looking for something on the side, do not drag me or others into your drama! And if you are the spouse of an online cheater, take it up with them, harassing someone who wasn't in the know is retarded. I was cheated on in my marriage, so I'm sure as hell am not going to do that to someone else!

First date? Something relaxed and mutual. If you expect me to wine and dine you, you're reading the wrong profile. I said mutual, not one sided. It's a first date, bound to be awkward.

Closing jokes:
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters, to no-one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!" If you didn’t laugh at that, we will definitely not get along.

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, pink, blue, yellow, purple.
The old man just stared. The young man said, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?
The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son ! "