History of Romance... A shot at humor
Two theories on where Romance got its birth. Just sit back and we will teach you a lot of BS.. I mean give you a lot of knowledge about this aspect of Romance.
One theory is it stems from the Caveman days. Men thought it was Romantic to smack women with a club. Later was stopped due to the brain damage it did to the women. Caveman police decided it would be illegal to abuse women. One might notice that today abuse seems to be growing. This is easy to explain as those individuals are de-evolving into Cavemen once again. Don't worry in those days criminals of abuse were fed to T-Rexs. It is also possible that these abusive men are just so stupid that they are trying to cause brain damage on the women. You know that "I hate being dumber than she is" idea.
Second theory which seems to hold more water is Adam and Eve created the first romantic atmosphere. This would mean that today's abusive men are actually de-evolving beyond even our earliest ancestors. Soon we can name them slugs.
Now most don't know this. Flowers, candy and such was not a romantic gesture during days of Adam. However Adam was the first man to ever give his woman a Poem. That is right, Adam was the famous writer of the poem, "You Won't Believe What Is Under My Fig Leaf." It really had a lifting experience for Eve.
Now we do know in Greece that they gave their women wreaths to wear about their heads. We know this due to the many statues we see where women wear nothing but a wreath and sheets. I often wonder from those sheets if that meant women never left the house.
Of course in Rome they wore even less. But we won't talk about Romans as they felt romance was taking their women to go watch men kill each other. Though it is a known fact that women got of on that stuff. They'd even toss down flowers to the men below. I figured they were saying, here take these to your grave. Enough on this unromantic topic.
The kissing of the hand is considered romantic sometimes. This was created by an Englishman named Peppee, okay he was part French. He stumbled as he went to shake a woman's hand one day only to lift his lips from her hand to apologize. Noticing the blush in her face he simply bowed and said, "nice to meet you." Well he did it with a French/English accent. After that it caught on. You see there is one secret to knowing if your gesture is Romantic or not. Watch their face, if a tiny light twinkles in their eyes, their face gets the slightest bit flush or they seem to tremble. Then your doing it men. If she is shaking too much quickly back off because your scaring her to death.
Now the Eastern Gentleman came out with the first "Romantic Flower" idea. See most time men didn't think of these things as flowers were everywhere. But in this very nasty muddy city of New York flowers couldn't grow just anywhere and the population was not getting smaller. So this man got the idea of bring beauty to beauty. This is also where the first flower shop was built. Don't bother looking for it, they replaced it with a Law firm.
The first Chocolate idea came from a Southern Gentleman. Not to be out done by the other one you know. Only I haven't a clue where they got the chocolate from. It looked like mud but tasted sweet. You know it must have taken some really brave women to take the very first bites into this stuff. However women quickly learned to love it. In fact one man took so much chocolate to his woman in an attempt to romance her that the very first ever "Woman Track Star" was born.
Now the candlelight dinner idea didn't become romantic until much later when Newton created electricity. No wait Newton was the one to say, "Romance is a lot like stars, always just out of reach." I think it was Bell that created the electricity, or maybe that funny looking guy with the glasses and kite. Well it doesn't matter. Fact is candlelight dinner has been around every since man and women started eating their meals after dark. It just wasn't romantic back then. Now you get to turn out the lights and sit in the dark watching your romantic other on the other side of a glow of light. Placing the two of you into night shadows as if your the last two people in the universe. Which this of course inspired Galileo to write that famous song, "We Are Alone In The Universe." See Galileo could see into the future.
Some other aspects to romantic gestures are:
1. Holding hands: Gentle touching of hands is often considered romantic. However it is not wise to hold hands while playing volleyball.
2. Gently breathing on her neck and ear. Just make sure this isn't your first date with her or it could be your last.
3. Cuddling: At this time men are supposed to stop talking. This is often where I screw up at.
4. Wine: Not whining women don't like that. But a bottle of wine could add to the atmosphere and if you bring 3 bottles it might help you get lucky. Umm... I didn't say that last part.
5. Placing a coat around her shoulders on a cold night. Don't work in mid summer men.
6. Poetry just like what Adam did is always a good thing if you can find one that likes poetry. Women are suckers for sentimental things. And if you want a poem, I can do one up for you at a small fee.
7. Women go for those really cute stuffed animals. And if you give it to her in a romantic way its even better. You know like throwing it over into the shower with her. No don't do that she might call police for you being in shower watching her bathe. Could just sit it on her couch and pretend you didn't see the stuffed critter wonder in.
8. Another good romantic idea is a picnic. Believe it or not the Cowboy created this idea. They'd have one of those women in those pay as you go houses fix up the basket for them. Then wander down to the Ladies home and take her out to a hillside in a wagon. Naturally Cowboys didn't drink wine back then so they brought alone juice for the lady and whiskey for themselves. And if the Lady was lucky hehe'd get drunk and she could take advantage of him.
Other things of romantic interest: Cuddling near a fire, sitting and listening to a thunderstorm or a summer rain, the soft sounds of a flowing brook, That special pause she sees in your eyes when you both grow silent and just smile at each other, dancing softly, and letting her take your boots off.... okay I might be stretching on that last one.
This has been brought to you by the Unromantic Poet.

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