I will add more later, this site is under construction.


My profile is here with some information that some of you who are having trouble sustaining relationships might find helpful.

Thinking Errors

All or Nothing Thinking- (or black & white) When you view a situation in only two categories instead of a continuum. Example-"If someone says one bad thing about me they hate me."

Catastrophizing- (also fortune telling) You predict that negative things will happen without considering other, more likely outcomes. Example-"If I'm late for work today, I'll get fired and won't be able to keep my house."

Emotional Reasoning- You think something must be true because you "FEEL" it so strongly and ignore other evidence that may exist. Example-"I know he said I did a good job, but I feel stupid so it must be true."

Mind Reading- You believe you know what others are thinking and fail to consider other possibilities. Example- "She thinks I'm stupid, I can tell by how she's looking at me."

Tunnel Vision- You only see the negative aspects of a situation. Example- "My boyfriend/girlfriend is always criticizing me and never does anything nice for me."

I understand that no one is perfect but if you exhibit too many of the behaviors listed below you're relationship may suffer because of the inability to recognize and correct it.

You've Got Double-Standards
You've got 1 set of rules for yourself & a different set for men or the rest of the world. If your doing things that you would have a problem with your significant other doing you might want to put the the shoe on the other foot & ask yourself if it would be ok if the other person did what you're doing?

You're a Scorekeeper
Competing can quickly turn a relationship into an ugly battle of one-upmanship. How can you possibly be a winner if it is at the expense of making the person you supposedly love a loser? Solid relationships are built on sacrifice and caring, not power and control. Competitiveness can drain the joy, confidence and productivity out of any relationship.

You're a Faultfinder
There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism if it is designed to improve the relationship. But it can often give way to constant faultfinding -- in which you obsess over the flaws and imperfections rather than find value in your partner. Get off your partner's back and you may see your partner moving toward you.

You Think It's Your Way or the Highway
If you've always got to be right, then you're ready to fight till the end. No truer words were ever spoken, you will fight to the end...the end of your relationship. You can't be self-righteous or obsessed with control and do what's best for the relationship at the same time.

You Turn Into an Attack Dog
When you get in an argument, do you have a killer stare, a harsh tone and hurtful words? Attack dogs may experience short-term gain, but the target of the abuse becomes filled with bitterness and resentment. While it's easy to fall into viciousness, it's much harder to repair the resulting consequences.

You are a Passive Warmonger
Instead of fault-finding or engaging in character assassination, these toxic partners try to thwart their partner by constantly doing that which they deny they are doing -- in such an indirect way as to escape accountability if they are confronted. A passive aggressive person is as much of an overbearing controller as the most aggressive, in-your-face person you could imagine -- only they do it insidiously and underhandedly.

You Resort to Smoke and Mirrors
Because you lack the courage to get real about what is driving the pain and problems in your relationship, you criticize your partner about one thing when you're really upset about another. What is real never gets voiced, and what gets voiced is never real. The real issues will eventually burst forth in a torrid way.

You Will Not Forgive
When you choose to bear anger at your partner, you trap yourself in pain and agony -- and the negative energy can crowd every other feeling out of your heart. If you wallow in resentment and refuse to forgive and move on, you will tear up your own life and your relationship. You can't change the past but you can deal with the resulting feelings and hurt by truly forgiving.

You Are the Bottomless Pit
Are you so needy that you constantly undermine your chances of success? Can you never get enough satisfaction, love, attention or appreciation? Your partner will be frustrated by never seeming able to "fill you up." We all want reassurance, but an insatiable appetite for it never gives your partner any rest. Free yourself from the internalized sense of inadequacy, and find other ways to feel your self-worth and value.

More to come later...

Open to suggestion...