Gone to seed journalist falls on hard times, seeks beautiful Gypsy girl to pine over.

I've discovered that I miss being able to put my arms around someone. As that eminent philosopher Dave Attell has observed, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

Seriously? I've lost everything in the last 18 months. I could have laid down and given up. Instead, I am looking at it as an opportunity for rebirth, and hoping to find someone to come to my birthday party.

A certain lack of delicate sensibilities is something I enjoy...in everyone. People are too offended by words and not offended enough by substance.

I want to hang out with people who still think fart jokes are funny but also appreciate foreign films and French food. People who are offended by war. People who realize that Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin are idiots, and don't try to make excuses for them by blaming the "mainstream media".

If you're female, so much the better. I am avowedly male, and having some balance around would be nice.

Question: Who started the "kissy-face" profile pic trend, and can we find them and stop them?

Besides being nervous and overcompensating for my shyness? I'd probably do my best not to cower in a corner and cry.

Oh, you mean like an ACTIVITY, I get it now. I like movies. Got an arthritic knee so I'm not much of a dancer. But we could always plan a secret agent mission together.