GOOD NEWS, EVERYBODY! I finally moved out of the place I was at (parents, naturally) and got out on my own. It was only a matter of time, as I can only impose on them for so long before we would have both gone INSANE. In moving out, I have progressed at work farther than I imagined and am already being groomed for management in dare I say record time. And yes, I do have my own place, no roommates or awkward "This is Bill, we share the same shower" moments. Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I make jokes. It's what I do. Any situation can be livened up with a wee bit of comedy. However I was blessed with the restraint to know when it is appropriate and when it isn't. I enjoy a good fart joke or high-end British humor and all points in-between. I love wordplay and obscure 1% references (i.e. 1% of the total population would understand what I am talking about) If I can find a woman who is in that 1%, I am a hoot. Hell, even if you aren't in that 1%, I'm still charming, witty, and I can kick Jeopardy!'s ass any day of the week. Indeed, I was almost on Jeopardy back in the day, just haven't had the moxy to try out again.

There is a pretty good chance that if I meet you at random, I wouldn't say word one to you, just how I am. I like to be acknowledged before reciprocating, meaning I won't walk up to you and do the "OMG YER HAWT, HERE'S SOME BOOZE" thing. I like to dip my toes in the water first. Given the environment I live in now, it is awfully difficult to meet someone in a bar/pub/danceclub/barceplub (amalgamations make me giggle - WORDPLAY!) type setting, but it's probably the best chance I might have, save for this "Hail Mary" here.

I'm a God-Damned catch. Rekognize

My attention span sucks, but I am loyal as the day is long.. wait, no, longer. Infidelity is not part of my vocabulary. Except right there when I typed "infidelity". And there, when I typed it again. Communication = gold. If you can't communicate with someone you have feelings for, what good is having someone take a spot in your heart? I am an open book, or an infinite subscription "Kindle", whichever you prefer.

It all boils down to the fact that I am at the place in my life where I am tired of not sharing it with someone else. I made a rule when I was younger that people shouldn't be married until their 30 (your mileage may vary). I know I am going to get punched in the jeans for saying this, but there is a certain maturity factor that is not present in marriages that are initiated too early, and I recognized as such. As it stands, I am under 2 years away from that magical date and I am no farther along than I was when I was 20. I need to get out there if I want to make any headway and that's where this longwinded, rambling post comes into play that you stopped reading 30 minutes ago. If you are reading this sentence, congratulations, you may already be a winner!!!!

I like shiny things and I get distracted by noises unfamiliar to their surroundings.

I LOVE "The Office", US and UK versions. I adore the ever-living piss out of anything associated with the following: Adam Carolla. That is all.

Thank you for your time.

First date would probably be something low-key so as to not have any pressure on one party or another. A group setting would probably be best, i.e. gathering of friends at a local establishment. Not much to do around these parts :(