As the first installment to the book about my internet dating experiences which I will write when I am off POF at the ripe age of 89 (chuckle), I thought it would be advantageous to my dates if I created a "FAQ" section, so we can get past this and start holding hands and exchanging affection:

1) Yes I was married, yes I am divorced for 9 years, no I don't have kids, no I'm not looking to have any of my own, yes I am fine with "inheriting" yours if you happen to have any and our relationship goes to that level.

2) No, Jews do NOT "do it" through a hole in a sheet, blanket or wall. We do it naked and rather well, but not through a sheet. Demonstrations are available after I've gotten to know you.

3) Yes, being a geriatric social worker is a difficult job, but one which has brought and continues to bring me much satisfaction and pleasure. Feel free to ask!

4) No, a geriatric social worker does NOT mean that I am an old social worker! Note to self: woman with good vocabulary who is also a great kisser, is a keeper!!!

5) I was raised as an Orthodox Jew, found that lifestyle to be overly repressive, kicked the habit in 2001 and have been enjoying life since then.

6) I date women who are not Jewish, yes I love what is called in Brooklyn "bacon-eggncheez-salt-pepah-ketchup". All I humbly ask is to please brush your teeth inbetween the bacon and the kissing...kind of ruins the experience of both!!

7) Yes I do enjoy dancing and getting up close and personal.

8) No, I don't care for ballroom dancing...too many steps and things to remember. However, should you wish to ask me to be your date for a formal affair, I do have my own tux and accessories and would be willing to learn some steps. I also promise not to step on your evening gown or toes.

9) Yes I do possess a terrific, arcane and somewhat dry sense of humor and I love to laugh. If you get my jokes and are enjoy them as opposed to merely being polite and thinking "Oh My God!! Check please!!!" then you're quite possibly the one I've been looking for!

10) Yes, I do snort when I laugh, no it doesn't embarrass me at all and yes, I do find myself laughing like Arnold Horshak of Sweathogs fame (think Welcome Back Kotter). If you join in and don't run screaming for the hills, you are so going to fall for me!!

HI there and thanks for checking me out! I am Jewish but not religious and am open to meeting and potentially falling ass over teakettle for someone special, no matter what their faith or belief system!

Bowling is certainly my favorite hobby and I take it seriously, but I also enjoy many other activities and as long as you won't ask me to try bungee-jumping or sky-diving, I'm open to trying new things! When it comes to music, I love a wide variety, from classic rock, to blues-rock, a capella, some modern stuff, guitar instrumentals and occasionally some Jewish stuff from the 70's, when there were actually some Jewish bands who knew how to make great music.I am looking for a long-term relationship which involves strong friendship, laughter, communication,love, and ample time to spend with each other, so we can really get to know one another and grow together. I'm not saying "no way Jose" to marriage, but right now, a long-term relationship sounds wonderful.

I am a warm, sensitive and caring person, who has a lot to offer and is looking for a woman who feels the same about herself and who is emotionally available to accept and to give. If that's you, come on down..the water is fine!

I've tried different kinds of first dates, but I believe in keeping it light and simple, someplace where we can hear each other's voices without having to scream ourselves hoarse. To me, a first date, should strike a balance between being conducive to enjoying each other's company until the wee hours, and being able to say respectable farewells sans awkwardness, if that should transpire.

Feel free to reply here, or to cutejewishlefty@aol.com


Of course, I'm putting my money on option #1!! How about you?