Okay, so to be up front about a few things, here are my dealbreakers, aka, don't bother emailing me if you:

1) can't handle not smoking in my presence, mainly because nobody likes to make out with an ashtray.

2) are not into fitness. I'm a very healthy individual, and to maintain that, I prefer to surround myself with healthy individuals. It's a complete lifestyle, including nutrition, and I'm not going to change my lifestyle for you, and we're not going to be compatible if we're not going to live the same lifestyle.

3) have pics up from your high school prom. Unless it was yesterday (and then you're much too young for me anyway), I don't want to see what you look like with big 80's hair, and rocking the Def Leppard or Iron Maiden t-shirt and acid-washed jeans. And if that IS a recent pic of you, I will hook you up with Clinton and Stacy.

4) have pics of your kids up. Not QUITE a dealbreaker, but it DOES make me raise an eyebrow.

5) have low self-esteem. Look, ladies, I am a VERY sarcastic individual, and if you can't handle someone picking on you a bit, pass this one on by. Now, you may ask yourself, can this guy handle a chick who is sarcastic right back to him? Honey, not only can I handle it, it's a REQUIREMENT!! ;)

6) you think it's appropriate to walk out of the house looking a hot mess. You never know who you're gonna meet when you leave the house, so do you really want your picture up on peopleatwalmart dot com?? (Yes, that's an actual site. Check it out.)

7) you take yourself and everything in life WAY too seriously. Look, ladies, if it's not going to kill or permanently maim someone, it's NOT that serious. So go ahead and LAUGH!! :D

Now, being from Chicago, I have VERY high self-esteem, I'm very sarcastic, AND friends describe me as "brutally honest". I find that a lot of women in my area SAY they can handle that, and that they even love it, yet when presented with it, they fold like a cheap bath towel.

See, guys and girls define the word "nice" differently.

To women, "nice" means a real man without hangups, who is funny, smart, large and in charge, and NOT an abusive ***hole. Who's got two thumbs and fits that description? THIS GUY!!!

On the other hand, MOST men seem to think that nice means a syncophantic wuss who does whatever his woman wants or says without question. I call them "Yes, dear"s. If that's what you're looking for, good luck in your search. If not, see the above paragraph. :)

Are you still reading? Well, stop! I'm done. I have nothing more to say to you. Well, unless you email me, of course. So go ahead and do that. I'll wait :)

Well, I WILL say that it involves getting dirty, so girly-girls need not apply!