I'm a 36-year-old guy living in Evanston, IL. I work freelance in TV / Video and am an avid movie buff. I've never been married and do not have any children. I enjoy a good laugh, have a dry sense of humor, and appreciate the same traits in others.

I'm not the kind of guy who pretends to adore walks on the beach, candlelight, or curtains blowing in the wind. I find sports of all kinds to be extremely dull, so if the Cubs or Sox are really important to you, I'm already yawning. In fact, I'd rather eat my arm than watch two seconds of "Sports Center."

I believe that if two people enjoy each other's company and can laugh at life together, anything can be romantic (i. e. a trip to a convenience store, a tryst in a neighbor's shed, etc). I'm about average physically, falling somewhere between Shawn Cassidy and Randy Quaid. If you're even remotely interested, drop me a line.

I know: I sound like the world's biggest grump, and perhaps some days I am, but I can actually be quite fun. I tend to think so anyway. (It's true. I'm not the most partial of witnesses when it comes to matters regarding myself.)

By the way, I am fully aware that it looks pervy when a guy lists "erotica" as a "turn-on," but, as long as it's not completely sepia-toned and fey, I rather enjoy it ... for a few moments anyway. Besides, "erotica" is much different than "porn" (which I guess is my way of saying that I don't read many selections by Anais Nin).

And is it just me, or does "brainiac" have a pejorative connotation to a lot of users on here? More than a few profiles I've come across have listed "brainiacs" as a turn-off. Shouldn't intelligence be desired and valued? I'm not Einstein, but I do cherish conversation. We may not agree on everything, but it can certainly be enjoyable to discuss our differences of opinion.

Oh, one more thing: While you should never believe a man who claims that he is most certainly not a serial killer or capable of stalking, I must confess that both practices require far too much deception and effort. What individual wants to spend their days covering up their misdeeds when a full-time job already saps them of enough motivation and energy? It's hard work to be a creep! Sure, there are more than a few rotten apples out there, but I'm not one of them. Sheer exhaustion and laziness are my alibis.

Inside R. Kelly's double album, ''R.,'' there is a picture of Mr. Kelly shirtless, and a wild, desperate inscription:

''See this man. Know this man. Touch this man. Embrace this man. Pay this man. Believe this man. Trust this man. Belong to this man. Take care of this man. Love this man. Pray for this man.''

I am not looking to seduce minors ... nor do I have a legitimate reason to quote R. Kelly, except that I find his words (and most of his work, for that matter) side-splitting, and I know we stand a good chance of getting along if you do, too. So I leave you with one more Kelly quotation: "Wanna go half on a baby?"

FAVORITE HOT SPOTS:

I'm not a big "Bar Guy." I enjoy drinking as much as the next person, but I don't feel bad if a weekend has passed and I haven't entered a club. However, if I do go out, I enjoy bars like "Empty Bottle" and a tikki joint called "Hala-Kahiki.

FOR FUN:

I don't really dance (unless completely inebriated ... and that doesn't happen much any more). I'm not cheap, but I do enjoy a good coupon or sale now and again. I also like WhirlyBall, Fruit Roll-Ups & Unicorns. Do they still sell "Sun-In?"

FAVORITE THINGS:

COLOR: Forest Green; COMPANY: NetFlix; BOOK: "The Invisible Man" by Ralph Ellison; MOVIE: "Electra Glide in Blue"; FOOD: I'm pretty open, but I do love seafood & sushi; BAND: The Replacements

LAST READ:

"Entertainment Weekly." I could've written something like "Infinite Jest" or "Brothers Karamazov," but that would've been a lie. I subscribe to so many magazines that I rarely get around to reading books ... but I finish them very quickly when I do.