So I was watching the Jerry Springer show and decided to call the number listed on the TV. I told them about my situation. That situation being my 11 kids (9 different mothers) and how over-crowded my trailer is getting. They invited me and my kids and ex’s to be guests on the show but when we got there they wouldn’t let me on the set of the studio. I later got a letter that said I wasn’t allowed on the show because I had too many teeth (yes, I have all of my teeth) and that seems to be unfair.

So I’m hoping that you don’t reject me as well. That would be too much rejection to handle right now. Thanks for understanding.

A first date... hmmmm? That would depend on you because if you're athletic I'd like for you to clear my back 40 acres. Or you could wash my vehicle in your bikini while I hold an alcoholic beverage in one hand, and spray you with the hose that will be in my other hand. Now those are just some initial thoughts but we can open it up for discussion.