OK, so I've been told that my "About Me" is "WAAAAY too long." When someone emails you and adds three extra "a's" to the word WAY, I guess they mean business. So, in an effort to keep you interested and entertained, below you'll find a reduced calorie, low sodium, no trans fat, new and improved taste, version of me, minus the rich-n-creamy centered goodess, of course...


Some Chicken McNuggets about me:

-I laugh when people fall down
-cliches and catch-phrases bore me
-I hate the color pink
-I love to lose track of time, if I'm with the right company
-I can out-quote you on most movies, and have the DVD collection to back it up
-"Gladiator" is my all-time favorite flick
-die-hard Jets fan, and I "Get Green" at the stadium every fall with my buddies
-Rangers and Mets fan for LIFE
-most people tell me I'm funny...i tend to believe most of them
-my sarcasm runs deep, and I'm a Jedi master of the deadpan delivery
-I can be pretty warped sometimes, so you'd better be equipped with a sense of humor
-my voice is always available for reason, my ears willing to listen, my shoulder ready to catch tears, and my arms open to give a big hug when needed
-my family is the engine that keeps this machine running
-my niece and nephew kick ASS!
-I have a twin sister; and no, don't ask me if we're identical...just remember, that joke only sounds funny in YOUR head, so don't quit your day job, Don Rickles
-I drive in the fast lane, I pass on the right, and I slow down to gawk at accidents
-I'll give you the shirt off my back, as long as I didn't just buy it
-I won't post shirtless pics of myself on this site because my 6-pack abs have been on a 2 week vacation for about 4 years now
-beer is my buddy...Yeungling is my weekend friend
-I work hard and feel like my paycheck goes through the international exchange rate before it hits my bank account...either that, or the Egyptian prince whom I wired money to a few months ago is still in desperate need of food for his camels
-I have a very busy work schedule, so if you can't accept texting as a frequent form of communication, I'll tie a note to my pet pigeon's foot and have him deliver it to you instead...trust me, I'd much rather talk than type anyway
-I've worked in Corporate America long enough now that I firmly believe some people are not from this planet, and if they claim to be, they're flat-out lying
-I'm a bit of a neat freak, and can't stand clutter
-I liken reality TV to the first day of school after the summer break
-I golf a lot, love it, and still stink at it
-my knight never wins when I go to Medieval Times, even though I summon the Grand Witch of the Woods to cast a pre-competition evil spell on my fellow competitors
-I hate the words "dabble" and "sample"
-plain M&M's are my Kryptonite
-I like to think I'm pretty good at taking photographs
-I'm going to start taking "ground level" photos of myself and post them to my profile in an effort to combat all of the "overhead" photos that consume this site
-Currently working on creating my very own, one of a kind, never before used hand gesture to "represent" myself in my soon to be posted photos...I've got it down to two different ones that I think are actually pretty sweet, but haven't decided which one to use yet
-If my brain hurts, I pick up a pen and put my thoughts on paper
-TOOL is the greatest band EVER...period
-I speak Sicilian, and can navigate my way though the Spanish language as well
-I have 11 tats, and plan to get more (yes, they hurt when you get them, so don't ask such a silly question)
-I seriously dislike anything with wOrDs tYpEd oR wRiTtEn LiKe tHiS...I believe using that written "form" of the English language is only cool if Miley Cyrus has accepted you as a friend on her FACE BOOK page
-if I add you to my "favorites" and never email you, don't fret...you're probably WAY out of my league anyway--instead, I'll just click on your profile every 5 minutes and stare at your pictures in a stalker-like fashion
-if you email me twice, and i don't respond, please don't go for three times a charm...because it won't be for me...thanks
-if I see "Unread Deleted" for a message I sent you, you probably weren't worth the effort anyway-- maybe your next message will be from a shirtless Abercrombie & Fitch model, doing push-ups with his pinkies and crushing beer cans on his forehead, all the while telling you how much he bench presses and how many chicks want him...riveting stuff
-I get about 4,587 emails a day, so if I don't get back to you within 1-2 years, please don't take it personally
-Just like everyone else proclaims on this site, I don't play games...unless of course it's Candyland or Chutes & Ladders
-I want to get married, have 8 kids, and expose them to millions on national TV. Then in about 2 years, my soon-to-be ex-wife and I will continue to drag their fragile lives through a much over-publicized divorce so that we can maintain the spotlight of our shallow, money-hungry existence in a society that inexplicably seems entertained by it all
-just an observation, but is every woman on this site a teacher?
-some people on this site scare me

and last, but not least...my blunt DISCLAIMER:

I'm not interested in meeting anyone who is recently separated or divorced (I'm not rebound material), or anyone that has children. I want to be with someone who's ready to start something-- not start something over. I'm a firm believer in everyone being entitled to a second chance in life, so I offer my utmost apology to anyone offended by this request, but this is simply how I feel.

Maybe take a drive through the ghetto, or a stroll through a leper colony. If we find each other to be swell, maybe we can take a slow boat to China.

If I'm online, maybe you'll be lucky enough to find me on AIM @ friendlygrenade. Stop by and say hi. :)