Hello and thanks for stopping by! Why don't you kick back, relax, and make yourself comfortable. Let's face it, you're going to be here for awhile and then end up wondering what in the world just happened...


You know something? The fact that you are even looking at my profile tells me that you are a Lady of low standards, poor taste and a serious lack of judgment.

COOL!!!! You are my kind of girl!

Yeah, I saw you just now casually look over your shoulder to see if anyone else saw you looking at this. Real sly there, Princess...you are so busted!! Well, relax. I won’t tell anyone I saw you here. Your sordid secret is safe with me. For a small fee, of course. Like lunch.

Ok, here’s the deal...I'm a non religious divorced dude with no kids who is taking the time to explore life from a new and fresh perspective right now. I'm just going to relax, have fun and enjoy the ride for now as I see no reason to add stress to what's supposed to be FUN!!! Take it for what you will, but quite respectfully, I'm not looking for my next wife/girlfriend/significant other at this point in my life. I feel you need to know that right up front as I do not wish to waste anyone's time here.

As one of them divorced dudes mercilessly unleashed upon society, I gotta admit I've learned a thing or 2 that have served me rather well on my journey through life...

I keep a clean house, leave the toilet seat down, wash my dishes, and put my clothes in the closet. I'm also a gentleman, well dressed and behaved and understand the concept of a committed relationship.

But I've learned a lot more than that boring stuff, too...

I'm also well aware of the fact that a man is sexier in the kitchen than in the bedroom. I know that guys with a bit of an edge thrill you in ways you don't always like to admit. I know all about the divine power of chocolate, the hypnotic trance induced by a hot bath with a glass of your favorite wine at the end of the day, and have mastered the art of the foot and neck rub with ninja like skill and precision. I know how to use PDA's to make your friends and co workers jealous as hell, too. And yes, I will use this knowledge against you at every available opportunity...heh heh hehhh.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it, Princess.

Anyway, I just found this place and I’m kicking back checking it out for now. You know, kinda like when you’re out on the town and stumble unexpectedly on a new nightspot? Well, that’s me right now. I’m that dude sitting back in the dark, smoky corner just checking out the vibe. I wanna take my time and see what's going on before I start getting involved here.

I didn’t even check any specific boxes as to what I’m looking for. Or NOT looking for. I’ll just figure that out as I go along. Besides, I don’t feel like doing that right now. I didn’t come here to have to, like…you know, think and stuff.

Ok, what’s this? I had to go back and check a little box just to say I had a car? What’s that all about? I thought some things just go without saying.

“Hey baby, I don’t have a car. Come pick me up for an evening of romance you will never forget.”

OK, any other boxes I need to check here before I continue?

1. Do you have a job? YES _X__ NO ___
2. Are you a convicted felon? YES ___ NO _X__
3. Do you look like you could possibly be a convicted felon? YES _X__ NO ___
4. Does your wife know you are here? YES ___ NO ___ NOT APPLICABLE _X__

Ok then, anything else? Besides admitting that I do drugs?

“Why yes, yes indeed I do! You may now send the DEA over at your convenience to arrest me and I guarantee my full cooperation. I even have a bucket sitting right here if you would like me to provide a urine sample!”

Good. Let’s move on while you sit and wonder where you went wrong and how you ended up reading this...this, "thing" I try to pawn off as an actual profile.

Being the discerning Lady that you are, you likely noticed I sometimes go with the clean shaven look and other times I just feel like unleashing my inner felon and go with the goatee. It all depends on my mood, so ya never know which guy you’re gonna get. Ha HAA!

In fact, some Lady I know from work told me,

"You're the perfect combination of a gentleman and a jackass. Now give me back my stapler and get out of my office."

Heh heh, not sure if that was a compliment or an insult, but until the day arrives when I finally figure it out, I kinda like the way that sounds... "The Gentleman Jackass." If I ever decide to become a male stripper, I know what I'm calling myself.

Ha HAA!!! (once more for effect )



Ok, my fingers are tired. I’ll come back and finish this later, but thanks for taking the time to read this thing. I hope you enjoyed it and it brought one of those mischievous grins to your face that makes everyone else wonder what you just did as you look over your shoulder again. Yeah, we all saw it...

You take care, have fun and be safe

Well, for starters you’re going to have to come pick me up since you have a car and your driver's license probably hasn't been revoked. After that you can drive me around and we can run a few errands. I’ll need to make a stop at the liquor store, then you can take me to see my bookie so I can settle up. One thing you really need to know before we go in…DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ANYONE IN THERE!!! Seriously, don’t do it. It’s best that we just get in and out.

After that I'll need you to take me to see my parole officer. Now, the thing is I gotta get dressed up nice and all that, but I got it all worked out. We can stop by a laundromat and you walk in first and act like you can't work a washing machine, some guy sees you and he goes all "Prince Charming to the rescue" and tries to show you, then I sneak in, grab his stuff and we bolt. I get some nice clothes and if you play your cards right, you can get his number while your there, that way we're both winners!

Oh yeah, that parole officer thing? They’ll probably run a background check on you while you’re there, too. Stupid parole officers.

After that you can take me to dinner at a real fancy place like Red Lobster. That would be a good first date. For me, anyway.