Boyfriend lite.

Now available for a limited time (or may be on market for a while), in preparation for Christmas, this new and improved Boyfriend Lite. (Contains only half the carbs of a regular boyfriend).

Your friends will be jealous, your mom will be thrilled, your sister will secretly hit on me, and even your dog will sniff me and approve. That’s right; there is not one thing about your life that will not be improved by this remarkable product.

Helpful in the kitchen, decorative at parties and capable of warming up the coldest winter evening, Boyfriend Lite is the perfect accessory for every part of your home. Comfortable in the garage, useful in the bedroom, and moves even the heaviest objects with ease this unique product is just what you needed to brighten up the place. Also this product has been reputed to cure depression, boost self-esteem and give every room in your home a completely new smell.

The perfect accessory for cycling, hiking, jogging, golf, dancing, horseback riding...Hmmm now there's a thought...is there anything better than having 1000lbs of thrust between your legs...Sigh...., Boyfriend Lite is the ultimate gym accessory as well with all around fun. And no matter how much he eats, you cannot super size this offer.

Available at a very low price (practically free, extremely low monthly payments) Boyfriend Lite is completely self-supporting and self transporting. Send me back at any time if you are not completely satisfied. However with proper and minimal maintenance (more than a houseplant, less than a child) and upkeep this product could quite likely last for a lifetime.

This product comes with a no cling option, and can easily be left unattended outside for extended periods if you get temporarily fed up.

Boyfriend Lite is approved by Health Canada, recommended by Doctors, two out of three Dentists, and your old and cranky aunt who always asks why you are still single. Side effects may include uncontrollable laughter, inability to stop smiling and irrational optimism. Mild irritation may occasionally occur.

Get yours today, before it's too late.

*Product may not be exactly as described, possible upgrades and options may be available in the future, Including Boyfriend 2.0 (Serious Edition), Fiancee XP, Husband Vista, and Ex-Husband ME but lets not get carried away OK.*

I don't have many pictures; It’s not that I am secretive, just a bit camera shy and living on my own.

Disclaimer: this profile is subject to change. Void where prohibited by law. Offer not valid in all cities. Some assembly required. No smoking allowed.

Final disclaimer: No offence, but hell itself would have to freeze over before I drive across any major city on a regular basis. No offence to the thousands of beautiful and charming women who live across major towns, but I would rather have an attack of explosive diarrhoea than drive in city traffic. It's not you it's just gridlock.

First Date. You could pick me up in your Ferrari, take me to your private jet, then Wisk me away for a torrid weekend on your private Island estate somewhere in the Caribbean. Unfortunately this will probably leave me feeling cheap and used, so we should probably just go for a Coffee at Tim Horton’s.

* Offers of torrid weekends in the Caribbean will be considered on a case by case basis*

Note.

Please stop regarding me as a mere sexual plaything. It is becoming tiresome. Until now, women have relied on me for countless hours of sexual fulfillment, but I've had quite enough of it. (Can't believed I typed that..LOL)

I'm tired of being ogled every time I walk down the street or through the mall.

I'm tired of having random women come up to me in bars half naked, buying me drinks, asking for my number, pretending to be interested in my personality, then forgetting my name.

I'm tired of being pressured to 'put out' for you just because you're horny or trying to impress your family and friends or members of Plenty of Fish .

I'm tired of waking up the next day only to find you gone, then waiting by the phone in vain hoping for it to ring.

What I want...What I insist...and...What I am after...

Is what every other active good looking well built sincere heterosexual reasonable man wants -?

TWINS.

Copyright 2008 Wattacatch.
Please do not remove the copyright from this essay or infringe copyright laws.
All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

This profile is protected by intellectual property laws, including Canada copyright laws. Electronic or print reproduction, adaptation, or distribution without permission is prohibited.

Welcome to WATTACATCH Airlines. I'll be your pilot for today. As we fly over the City of Happiness, you'll notice on your left my clever wit, to your right my caring ways and straight ahead, a flourishing relationship. I'm hoping for a long smooth trip towards the future.

Our scheduled destination should be attained at an altitude of approximately 5'0" to 5' 8". Co-pilot should be lively, with a set destination of her own (variety is good). Wit, charm and a sleek appearance would definitely please the pilot. Keep in mind this will be a non-smoking, non-turbulent, no extra unwanted baggage flight.

We'll begin by taking off leaving selective items on the ground. Once we reach our peak, should anything arise within the c ockpit the pilot will have control of his joystick and be abreast of any situation the co-pilot might share. If the thrust of the main engine functions well there should be no need for the co-pilot to develop the use of the auto-pilot. But if she felt more relaxed then after the main in flight entertainment, the pilot could check the functioning roll of the auto-pilot for any sudden vibrations, if needed battery checks will be in-putted and precautions taken once we reach mile high.

However, should an emergency landing be required due to severe turbulence, lack of fuel, and / or mechanical failures making the landing pretty bumpy...?

I'm here to tell you right now that it will not be the airlines fault....
It will not be the pilots fault....,
It will not even be the co-pilots fault.......
It will be the asphalt!

*NOTE*..Please be prepared. Whether this is your first time or you are a frequent harden user, Please make sure you have a parachute that is functional...And that you have it with you at all times...just in case...

So I thank you in advance for wanting to fly WATTACATCH Airlines. I hope you enjoyed me tempting you into giving you the pleasure of a ride as much as I would really enjoy being up and riding along with you, and remember WATTACATCH Airlines always pulls out on time.

Room for thought....Acronym for Wattacatch.....Women Always Tell Tales About Co-pilots And Their Casual Habits..... LOL

Copyright 2008 Wattacatch.
Please do not remove the copyright from this essay or infringe copyright laws.
All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Wattacatch Airlines column is protected by intellectual property laws, including Canada copyright laws. Electronic or print reproduction, adaptation, or distribution without permission is prohibited.