...romantic moonlit stroll along Bread Line*

*I jest, of course. I’m merely “under” employed, not unemployed.
**Seriously, just messing with you. Bread Lines are a daytime activity, everyone knows that.
***I kid! I kid! The alcoholic thing really is a joke. I drink very little (it’s all about the tasting, not the imbibing) so if you’re a heavy drinker we likely won’t get along. Sorry :-(

So now, where was I? Oh yeah. I just started giving on-line dating a try a few months ago on another site. But the vast majority of guys who contact me on that site seem to be in their twenties (which is sweet and all but not terribly, um, feasible?). Griping to girlfriends yielded this site suggestion, so I thought I’d give it a shot…

I’m a Wine Director and Sommelier by trade (French for “Professional Drinker”) and usually earn my keep running beverage programs for fancy pants restaurants. But the shit-show of an economy we’re living in recently forced my last fancy pants place into bankruptcy (boo!). Currently working as a Private Liver for Hire™, managing the personal wine cellar of a supremely wealthy former regular from my last gig. But although I’ve been enjoying the break in routine, I suspect that boredom will drive me back to working in a restaurant sooner than later. High stress, high pressure, and long hours notwithstanding, I REALLY really love what I do. Fo’ shiz!

Other plausibly pertinent stats? Slim/petite, native NY’er (whelped & weaned on the UWS), lived all over the country, successfully trotted the globe as well thanks to an impetuous nature and a Swiss passport (I have dual citizenship with the US but have discovered the hard way that the Swiss one is easier for traveling – nobody seems to f*ck with them). I’m also half Jewish, hence the “Kosher Cocoa” Crack Whore handle (more of a "Jew Lite" really – 100% Religion™ free). What else? Hhmm, lemme think… Well, lately I’ve been wondering if there’s such a thing as “Dorian’s Senior Yearbook Photograph” or something, since I don’t recall ever sitting for a portrait painting and yet I never seem to age or gain weight (seriously – I still get carded sometimes). It’s actually kinda weird, truth be told. What else, what else… F*ck, I dunno. Just ask I guess.

I think we all know that chemistry is a bizarre and indefinable fact of life, so first dates should be more about figuring out if it's there. Perhaps something low-key like coffee or a glass of wine? Think we should save things like solving cold-fusion or cloning the world's first human for date two (or maybe even three), no?