Hmm...where to start. I am kinda leery on giving out "too much" info about me, but I will give it a shot.

I am an ex-astronaut who got fired for having a phobia of outer space. After that, I tried being a porn star...but the producers said I didn't have "it" and that I was laughing too much between scenes. I grew up in the Andes Mountains and was raised by both the Inca's and Storm Troopers. After adolescence, they sent me off to live with Steven Seagal to train and learn the ways of his awesomeness. From there I was meditating for 4 years before I realized that I was on a serious acid trip and I was in South Carolina sleeping on a park bench.

I am an avid reader of the "Goosebumps" series and own all the copies (not a lie, I seriously still have them). But right now, I am reading "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" and I am really enjoying the subtle remarks it makes about how government socialism affects the polar bear population in the Arctic.

I just got out of a real serious relationship with Flo from Progressive. She was too into her work and I have needs! I think she was secretly cheating on me with the motorcycle dude from the commercial.

















All this is more or less an inside joke that only I understand...

Feeding Carrots to ducks have always entertained me.