I am a good boy who thinks he is a bad boy but really is a good boy (rebel without a cause). I am half Russian and half Polish descent. I want to rule the world... I just don't know why. Besides being a huge fan of the female persuasion, I am incredibly passionate about animals, especially dogs. I have two English bulldogs, Annie & Java. I also ride motorcycles because I hear guys my age are suppose to but no worries, I am also in to Yoga.

I am an avid windsurfer (catch me on windy weekends in Key Biscayne) which helps me in my quest for the perfect tan. As for my youthful glow, the secret is seaweed. Yes. Seaweed. I use to chew on sand. Even dated a girl named Sandy once but it didn't last long.

Other useless information about me: I won $28 million in the Florida Lotto a few months back but I donated it all to the Sarah Palin legal defense fund. I was also the spelling bee champ of my sixth grade class (beat that). I am also implant free! What more could you ask for?

I am not interested in a long distance relationship unless of course, you are from Hawaii... with a house on the beach... high on the cliffs of Kaui. Then, you can be my sugar momma any day. Oh, and if you are looking for someone 5' 11" plus, I am a vertically challenged 5' 8" guy, and happy to wear my Rocky Horror 3" high heel shoes on dates, only if you promise that I won't have to wear the fishnet garters.

If we date, I will caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, massage, make plans, fix, empathisize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humour, placate, stimulate, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, tease, flirt, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, keep on rockin' in the free world, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship you, and then go back Jack and do it again. All I ask in return. Show up naked... with beer.

I have learned that two people are truly equal in a relationship as long as the man knows the woman wears the pants; always carry breath mints; former VP Cheney should get out of our gene pool; dwarf tossing should be a sanctioned Olympic event; a tan woman is nice but the white parts are better; share the remote; learn to read lips; learn to read minds; yield at turtle crossings; learn the words to Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive." Most of all, recycle (this profile was composed using 100% recycled electrons).

I am looking for a woman... preferably... without facial hair but not bald... good teeth... no hump... and doesn't sound like Fran Dresher or Andy Rooney when they speak. Just remember, you've got to laugh. If you don't and hold it in, it spreads your hips. Really. It's a scientific fact. I read about it in the National Enquirer and Kadisha, the checkout girl at the supermarket said so, so it must be true. Also, in this age of high fuel costs, if you live more than 2 blocks from me, you must be gas-worthy.

Watch the sunrise together. Everything before that, we improvise. Hopefully it won't include spending any time in jail but just in case, I will bring along bail money, a bottle of wine, cheese and candles. There's nothing like nurturing a relationship while spending time incarcerated together. Umm... not that I would know about such things. I only heard about it from my parents, who by the way have been married for 52 yrs, thank you very much.