Charming, Shrek, or Donkey?? And the winner is….

Hi, are you Prince Charming? Okay….you’ve got cute going for ya, but ya kinda dress like a girl. I like real men. And those darn castles are so drafty this time of year.

Hi, are you Shrek? Hmmm….Green is my favorite color. Swamps are green. But they’re ….umm…so swampy.

Hi, are you Donkey? Yesssss!

Cause….it’s all about ASSES! Isn’t it??

You’re laughing your ASS off,
You’re working your ASS off,
You’re covering your ASS,
You’re kicking ASS,
You’re kissing ASS,
You’re up to your ASS in alligators,
You’re trying not to act like an ASS,
You’re chasing ASS,
You’re assessing your Assets,
You’re Asking for directions (…well, maybe not)….

…. About me: Photos are of me, I am the age I say I am (just remind me what that was, okay?). My personality runs to the gentle, laid-back, and quiet side. What….you couldn’t guess that from my profile? Oops…guess I forgot to tell you I’m multi-faceted.

If you’re Assiduous and Astute with a college degree or two, you have my full attention. Of course, compatibility will depend on the size of your ….. intelligence. I confess … I find the size of a man’s intelligence to be very attractive. If you rarely use that fabulous organ between your ears, we won’t be compatible.

Other things about me….I’m not superstitious. I think it’s bad luck to be superstitious especially on Friday the 13th. I’ll tell you another secret...Trader Joe’s and Costco are 2 of my favorite places to shop. Yes, I’m one of those people.

I confess to liking blonde jokes, attorney jokes, genie jokes but am terrible at remember punch lines. Have you had your blonde joke today? No? Why didn’t you say so when you got here? Okay….Do you know why blonde jokes are so short? So brunettes can remember them.

Being able to laugh at blonde jokes, the absurdities of life, politics, and online dating is important. What’s an absurdity of life? Here’s one I saw on the history channel last week: The U.S. boycotted the 1980 Olympics in Moscow due to Russia’s invasion of Afghanistan. True fact. Amazing, isn’t it. That’s what happens when you live long enuf….you get to see history repeat itself.

I like a man who can talk about anything and everything from what’s going on in the world to what we’re having for dinner. How does Thai Basil Chicken with fresh veggies over steamed rice sound to you? Jalapenos optional. Or should we be lazy and pick up something at Whole Foods?

...About you: I like the real deal. A man who admires the intelligence of Thomas Friedman (The World is Flat, Hot Flat and Crowded) or the prescience of Nouriel Roubini (the economist who predicted this economic mess several years ago) will get my attention.

A man who likes real popcorn will get my attention. If the last thing you read was how to cook microwave popcorn, we won’t be compatible. If your car is worth more than your house, we won’t be compatible. Then again, if you have a vintage Ferrari, we should chat about making an exception….but only if it’s red or yellow. We nice girls do have standards.

Things that turn me on: smart men; gentlemen; men who lead by example; men who know how to knit (just seeing if you were paying attention); men who pay attention; good literature and films; live theater (mud-wrestling doesn’t qualify); art; humor from Far Side to POF profiles (hmm…sometimes that’s not a big stretch is it?); blazing red sunsets; steaming hot coffee with vanilla ice-cream; homemade Nestle chocolate-chip cookies; Mr. Fix-its; cool, comfy sheets; feather pillows; cute asses (ok, no more stupid cracks about asses).

Thanks for sharing part of your day with me. I hope you smiled a time or two. Oh yes…if you’re wondering if you’re a good match for me ….hmm… if you know the difference between compliment and complement, it’s a good start. To be really sure, we should probably discuss it via email.

Hmm….sometimes sitting on your ass does yield unexpected surprises. :D

Oooh….da date, da date (said in my best Tattoo voice…..if you don’t remember Tattoo and Fantasy Island, you're lucky!)

We could meet at the Profile Review Forum. You’ll find out more about me by reading my posts, and better yet, they serve imaginary coffee and pina coladas there. Ymmm…pineapple!

DIRECTIONS: It’s 2.5 miles (4.0 kilometers) due East of Gapatoad Junction. It’s also 5,280 giant steps directly west of the Castle. Ask for Ms. Terrie if you’re confused. Ask for Matt if you’re tired of being stepped on. Ask for Art if you think you’ve got what it takes. The rest of you…take a number….28,453 is the next number. Currently serving #9.