I'm versatile - I can hold a profound, intellectual conversation or tell the raunchiest joke. I can dress for a formal event or relax in blue jeans and a t-shirt. I know when to be serious and when to joke. I can be reclusive or the life of the party. I positively impact the people I encounter. Finally, I'm a genuine leader, not a follower. I've been blessed with success, great friends and an excellent career. However, a truly great woman to share this with has remained elusive.

I’m not a BIG fan of dating. In fact, in most cases, I’d rather set my penis on fire and run down the street naked. So, rather than brave another encounter where I find it less painful to stab a dinner fork in the back of my hand than to listen to endless drivel, I've composed a short list of what I want versus what I don't want. =)

WHAT I SEEK IN A WOMAN:

1) INTELLIGENCE - Yes, this is an absolute.
2) SENSE OF HUMOR - Have the ability to tell a good joke occasionally.
3) WIT - It lets me know you're thinking.
4) VALUES - Don't spread your legs for every guy that feeds you a cheap line.
5) COMMON SENSE - Refer to #4.
6) VOCABULARY - Holla', wit' and yo doesn't qualify.
7) STABILITY - As in emotional and financial.
8) DIRECTION - Know who you are, where you're going and what you want.
9) CLASS - This means no white-trash hillbillies.
10) GRATITUDE - Appreciate what you have.
11) HAPPINESS - Don't piss your life away being miserable.

WHAT I DON'T WANT:

1) SELF ABSORBED WOMEN - I also like to refer to this as Princess Syndrome. Yes, it's a BIG universe that doesn't always revolve around you.
2) MATERIALISTIC WOMEN - This doesn't require elaboration.
3) INSECURE WOMEN - No, I wasn't flirting with the Subway girl and I'm not involved in an ongoing, tawdry affair with the Mobile Station cashier.
4) BROKEN WOMEN - I simply lack the mental stamina and patience to endure a 3 hour monologue referencing the countless ways you've been hurt in the past. No, I REALLY cannot fix you.
5) INDECISIVE WOMEN - I know EXACTLY what I want, but I'm really not sure. WTF?!?!?!?! Is that meant to be a riddle?
6) BIT_HY WOMEN - You know who you are. Your negative presence often tends to clear the room the moment you enter.