Let's just put this out there: I don't put out on, at the very least, the first two dates. So if you're just looking to get laid, good luck with that, but you're barking up the wrong tree.

I'm really easy going. I do like to make plans and know exactly where I'm going for the future but at the same time I usually just fly by the seat of my pants in the moment. So, suggest an activity, I'm usually down.

I love to read, usually murder mystery, and listen to any kind of music, but mostly rock and metal. I recently got a bass guitar, just started my official lessons. I'm so pumped, I've wanted to get a bass for a few years now.

I have a cat. I love my cat more than anything in the world. I talk to her like she's a real person.

I am not the girl next door. I am not looking for Prince Charming, unless the 2010 version of Prince Charming has tattoos and rides a motorcycle. I'm not big on romance, so buying me flowers is not the way to my heart (doing the dishes is :P). I want a guy who will open the door for me, but I don't want him talk to me like I'm his grandmother. I want a guy who will give me a massage when I'm having a bad day, and will tell a fart joke to lighten my mood. (P.S. best fart joke ever: this dude put his face in his elbow and made really loud fake fart noises for a good 2 minutes and then he stopped and a few seconds later he said, "Ugh, that gave me a headache!" I just about peed my pants laughing!)

Coveralls > suits
Quality time > quantity
Potty humour > everything!

I have some ideas about what we would tell everyone about how we met:
-When we were both guests on Jerry Springer.
-At an auction for Anne Murray memorabilia.
-Getting arrested for crashing a funeral.
-When were both hitting on the same androgynous person at a gay bar. (We never did find out if it was a guy or a girl!)
-In the riots in L.A. in 1992. (Who says you can't find love at the age of 7??)
-At Neverland Ranch, when Michael still lived there.
-At a family reunion in Arkansas... When in Rome.
-In a support group for sex addicts.
-At a cat litter expo.
-In line for a port-o-potty.
-In a zombie walk, although we subsequently stopped seeing each other the next day, apparently we both just dig zombies...
-In the drunk tank.
-In a police line up.
-In the principal's office at adult ed.
(Stay tuned for more)

Things that will get your messages automatically deleted:
-listing sex as one of your interests. Everyone likes sex, you don't have to be a player about it.
-typing lyke dis, lIke tHIs, or any kind of stupid way a 14 year old would type.
-having a self-taken, shirtless, posing in the bathroom mirror, photo of yourself, this just seems vain and arrogant.
-you list that you don't do drugs, but I find out you do. If you don't want to broadcast to the world that you do drugs, or YOU don't consider weed a drug, whatever, but I specifically list that I do not want people who do drugs to contact me, and I DO consider weed a drug. I really don't have that much against it, I just feel like I'm old enough now that drugs don't need to be a part of my life and I'm not looking to change that. I did enough drugs in high school to be done with them now.

Please note: If you message me and your message and profile both have less than 5 sentences in them, don't expect to much. Hard to make conversation with someone who doesn't say to much. On the flip side, don't send me a novel for a first message. I don't need to hear your life story nor do you need to repeat what's already in your profile. I usually don't care enough to read more than a few short paragraphs the first time we make contact. Also, don't lie about how tall you are if I'm going to find out eventually. (This is surprisingly common. Seriously guys, do you even know how tall you are?? Try it, get a friend to put a mark on the wall in pencil. Make sure you aren't wearing shoes... That's cheating. Measure it and compare that number to what's on your profile. Do they match? Probably not!)

Take me somewhere I've never been. I want to experience a first in 'almost' everything.

Some of my previous first dates have been watching a UFC fight, walking around the Forks, and a game of airsoft (from which I have permanent scars :S). So it shows you I'm pretty much game for whatever (but please, no more airsoft...)

One thing I hate about first dates is the interview feeling I usually seem to get. I hate learning about someone by a script. If I wanted to know what kind of music you listened to, I'd check out your cd collection. This is not the kind of conversation I want to have when I'm getting to know you. It says so little about a person what books they read or what hobbies you have. I'd rather talk about something random you did last week, or you're most embarrassing moments in life. Make me laugh, that's the good stuff.

Also, if you already know you don't plan on going on a second date with me, don't waste your time, and mine, going on a first.