At some point, you'll probably fall in love with me or something, so we might as well get some stuff out of the way first.

First, you're totally going to have to support me. Emotionally, financially, and sometimes even physically.
I'm never going to get a job, so you're going to have to be very employable. Unfortunately, I'll spend your money on hookers and coke the first chance I get. It's not that big a deal though, you'll get to keep the videos I make from such occasions. You'll often find me watching them when you get home from work, vaseline in hand.
"The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous"

I'll want to get it on. All the time.
When you get home from work and after you're done cooking, feeding the 19 dogs, and cleaning the trailer, I'll expect over-the-top sexual advances from you. I'll usually just sit there on the recliner, Schlitz in hand, while watching re-runs of the single best show of all time, the A-Team. I'll expect you to be able to look past the fact that I haven't showered in a couple days while you roam my sweaty body with your mouth. The only time i won't sit there is when you want to pursue my sexual fantasy involving a donkey, a teen aged cheerleader, and 2 pounds of 'shrooms.
"I Pity Da Foo That Don't Like Mah Lifestyle"


I'll never do anything around our trailer.
Usually my day will consist of rolling out of bed around noon and making my way over to the couch. Cracking my first of many, maaany beers, I'll proceed for the 1,000th time to attempt to max out your mothers credit card on all things pay-per-view midget mud wrestling and Girls Gone Wild videos.
"Heres How To Order!!"