Ladies, are you tired of men who don't return phone calls, kill spiders, or spend time with you? Are you tired of short men that can’t reach things of the top of your cabinet?
Have you wondered: Are there are any men that actually know the difference between commitment and involvement? Have you been waiting on a man who will love you completely?

Well, wait no longer!!! Due to the wonders of genetic engineering and a vending machine condom, the miracles of science have produced "The MORTALEZ-1.0".

No longer do you have to spend weekends alone! Gone are the days of killing your own spiders and getting things off the top shelf has never been easier!

The MORTALEZ-1.0 is guaranteed to call you, respect your feelings, keep you warm at night, tell you your cooking is good, give neck rubs AND THATS NOT ALL!!!!!

The MORTALEZ-1.0 is also a good protector as he did a 10-year period as a bouncer at various drinking establishments. The MORTALEZ-1.0 is guaranteed to protect you from
spiders, mice, stray dogs and ex-boyfriends and if you call now, we’ll throw in a free smile. That’s right! ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!

The MORTALEZ-1.0 has been programmed in the ways of love by 1980's John Hughes films and music from The Cure, The Smiths and many other bands with "The" in their name.

The MORTALEZ-1.0 comes in a sturdy 6ft 5in package and comes equipped with his own place, his own car and his love comes with a lifetime guarantee.

But wait! That’s not all! The MORTALEZ-1.0 also cleans up nicely so he can accompany you to the mall, "all you can eat" buffets and sci-fi conventions.

The lifetime guarantee includes: Faithfulness, caring, cuddling and “That dress doesn’t make you look fat”. And all this comes at the low price of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! THAT’S RIGHT! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!

And all you need to qualify is the time to invest in a relationship plus a heart to give and receive love.

Respond now: Operators are standing by.


Legal note: Lifetime guarantee is contingent on successfully completing to the completion of your life span the adherence of said terms: faithfulness, love, and respect. Offer only extends to those living in the DFW area, preferably in the Tarrant County area. While offer is open to all females regardless of ethic origin, females of Central/South American, Latin Caribbean, and or Asian/Pacific Island genetic origin have been found to be most compatible with the MORTALEZ-1.0.

Ok here is my choice making criteria.
1.Does she want a real relationship or have time to devote to a relationship.
2.Do I find her attractive.
3.Are we mentally compatable.
4.are we sexually compatable.
5.Does she live in my city(dont do long distance)
6.Do we have the same taste in movies, music, etc etc.......
7.Does she not have kids or have older or adult kids..(I avoid those with younger kids.)
8.Does she show affection(not the same as sex).
9.Does she have male friends(I avoid that like death)
10.Does she like to go out all the time( High maintanance)
11.Does she drink alot( people do stupid things when drunk)
12.Is she faithful(go without saying but if the others are in check this is taken care of)
13.not hung up on an ex.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------