Is "hi honey, how was your day" too much to ask for?

You know what I'd like? Well okay, big bags of money falling out of the sky would be pretty nice, but I mean besides that. I'd like to meet a girl who I connect with. Simple as that. You might be interested in everything that I'm interested in, or you might not be interested in anything that I'm interested in but we still seem to laugh at the same jokes. Chemistry is hard to describe; either it works or it doesn't. Life is funny that way.

A little about me, then: I'm a Silicon Valley hi-tech political liberal. I work in an office with computers, and I voted for Obama. My regular day is kind of like the movie "Office Space". It's not as exciting as professional bungee jumping in Costa Rica, but it pays the bills and comes with health insurance.

When I'm not at my day job, I like to do all sorts of things. On warm weekends I like to get out my bike or rollerblades and make use of of one of the trails that San Jose has so few of. Or maybe go on a day hike up in the hills. I'm not a triathlete or anything, but I like being outdoors when the weather cooperates. I have a community garden, where I grow vegetables that aren't as pretty as the ones in the grocery store but they taste better. I sometimes brew my own beer. I'm a decent carpenter, plumber and electrician, and if I won the lottery I'd buy a place in the mountains and build a house there with my own two hands. I'm a do-it-myself sort of guy. Some people are inexplicably irritated by that, but I happen to think it comes in handy.

Sometimes I'm kind of a sucker for stuff that makes you go "Awwwww". You know, kittens and picnics in a meadow and Bambi. I gather that guys are supposed to be all macho and yell at the TV while watching football, but I don't really like football and even if I did the referee isn't going to hear me. I might talk to the computer sometimes, and I suppose Bill Gates isn't going to hear me either, so I guess I shouldn't be one to judge. Kittens are cute anyway.

Want to go out and see if we hit it off? Maybe it will be love at first sight, with goofy music like in the movie version of Dr. Zhivago. If not then hey, you can tell all your friends about your awful internet date.



Did you like all that stuff? I wrote it when I signed up, and I think it turned out like a nicely non-committal writeup for a dating website. It's not BS or anything, it's totally true. But you know what? I have a confession to make. I want to fall in love. Are guys supposed to say that? I don't care. If you're looking for a six-foot-six-inch insensitive football jock who smashes beer cans on his forehead then I'm definitely not your guy. Me, I want to be in crazy soul-consuming can't-live-without-your-lover love. The kind of love where you'd jump in front of a train to push your lover off of the tracks. The kind of love where you call in sick to work when your lover isn't feeling well because you'd just spend the whole day worrying about her. The kind of love where your friends can't stand to be around when the two of you are together because you both act like sappy lovestruck idiots.

I know I know, that sort of thing doesn't last. Eventually any relationship either falls into a comfortable sort of familiarity or it falls apart. But that doesn't mean that it can't start out with burning, fiery, all-consuming, Romeo and Juliet passion.

No promises. I know we all live in the real world and have obligations and commitments and jobs and bills and so on and so forth etcetera etcetera. But if you think that falling madly in love sounds like a fun way to start a relationship then maybe, just maybe, you should send me a message. I don't bite.

A good first date? We should get coffee and walk around downtown. There are things to do, and if we don't hit it off then there won't be a quiet and awkward dinner to sit through. If we do hit it off then maybe dinner will only have a few of those weird pauses in it. Why does that happen, anyway? I'm sure there are some social scientists somewhere researching that very thing.

Does that sound too boring? I'm pretty low-key. I don't think you've really met someone until you meet them in person, so for a dating website a first date is more like "hi, who are you really?" We can save the romantic candlelit dinner for later. Or maybe the proverbial movie, or some rollerblading, or trampoline class.