Soooo Yeah I'm kind of a joker, Do I want to meet someone? YES but……..

First you'd have to be my friend..then like a best friend..then maybe while we're laughing and having fun, who knows...

I click these profiles, they all start to run together, they start to blend, all seeming the same in some way

click. click, click.I shouldn’t read the top half of the page People aren’t numbers, colors, jobs, or status…..can you add it all up?

What do I write? ...can I put who I am into words…how can I be sure it’s not distorted as most peoples view of themselves generally are ?

I don't know about this sh*t man, should I be on here? Can I say sh*t on here?

Well friends already set me up with one stalker, one drug addict, one gay girl, and the laziest person I've ever met. Can it get any worse?

You work out # times a week
Soo what?. Well actually that could be significant, because really I’m just looking on here for someone to help me move some furniture.

You’re 5’ tall searching for someone over 6’. Is that so you won’t look ridiculous when wearing your 12” heels? Or you're starting a b-ball team?

All in the same sentence: searching for submissive and argumentative. Do you want an official diagnosis of bi-polar disorder?

You like to laugh? WOW! Me too

Looking for 5’10 green eyed Virgo, You're an open minded person. Obviously!

You are nice.
You’re also 5’ 190lbs and listed yourself as slender. Maybe you only think you’re nice.

I don't want to sign on to a web-site you're spamming
I don’t want to see your pics on hotandnasty dot com
If you're a girl in Russia, I'll talk to you, but I’m not sending you money
The only deal breaker is the color of your eyes. They must be purple, and that’s only cuz I’m open-minded.

My prerequisites:
You actually reside in the US
You're not a couch potato
You’re not allergic to the sun or sand
You are breathing and laughing
You speak English, capable of complete sentences
Not looking for your other half. e. g. whole people only
You laugh a lot, sarcasm please, but not mean
You walk upright, unless way intoxicated, then crawling is acceptable
Weigh less than 130lbs, so I can carry you when you're way intoxicated

About me:
I’m fun and funny Or I have fun anyway and maybe everyone is just laughing at me
I will tease you, poke fun, and embarrass you. If you're an insecure person, better bring a security blanket, Nah, I'll tease you about that too.
I’m not a player, I am not 23 years old, I will not pretend to like you more than I do, just so you'll show me your boobies.
I’m outgoing. Well at the moment I am in sitting but I’m often out and going
I’m smart. You be the judge, I didn't use spelt check
I am honest. Well unless I’m teasing or trying to surprise you, then I will lie my a$$ off
So, since I’m honest: Sometimes I smoke, drink tequila, say the F word, expose my

tattoos (you thought I was gonna say myself) LMAO!

Did you read this whole damn thing?

No I'm not getting in your car....I don't even know you lady....Do you have any candy? But Seriously...I am not gonna kiss you on a first date so you can see if we have chemistry....WTF is wrong with some of you?